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There are over 4 million workplace injuries reported every year. Play it safe…call in sick tomorrow.
I don’t have an attitude problem… You have a problem with my attitude… That’s your problem, not mine.
Exercise? More like extra fries.
You should always love a woman for her personality. We have so many to choose from.
According to a recent survey, 98% of people responded with "Go away."
This by far is your most f*ck up idea ever ... I`ll be there in 10 minutes.
You know you’re working class when your TV is bigger than your book case.
So this guy with a premature ejaculation problem comes out of nowhere.
When one door closes, another opens ... I had a Chevette that was like that.
If you`ve had cats, the singles virus may already be inside you.
I feel it`s important for you to know, no matter what I`m faced with and when given the option, I am that guy who will send you a voice-mail marked confidential.
If I`ve learned anything from the Kardashians it`s that I shouldn`t let my complete lack of talent hold me back.
FYI, Target does not give prizes, no matter how many bullseyes you hit in the store with a paintball gun
Pokémon means a totally different thing if you`re stuck in prison.
You seem awesome. I can`t wait to find out what I hate about you.