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I go to McDonald`s once a month just to replenish the napkin stash in my car
After 20 yrs of marriage, my best move is to clean something unexpectedly.
I regret nothing but mostly because I can`t remember most of the stuff I should probably regret
I tried stuff once. It was horrible.
I either get what I want or I change my mind!
At work hitting the escape key...... Nothing is happening, im still here.
You know you`re getting old when one huge fart throws out your back.
stupidity is a privelege entitled to everyone but you my dear are abusing this right
Dear Kelloggs, Cereal that makes them go back to sleep. Sincerely, Tired parents
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice ... it`s cuz you have really nice tits.
Not trying to be racist or ignorant but... seriously, all crocodiles and alligators look alike.
Next time you`re in a hospital elevator, calmly ask a stranger if they know what floor you should get off at for infectious diseases.
If you forget your hook-up’s name, just take them to Starbuck’s in the morning.
I will literally spend $20 on food but won’t buy a $20 shirt.
I’m having a free beer contest tonight. The 1st person to bring me a case of beer gets to watch me drink it. FOR FREE!