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Some days Iād like to take a chainsaw and cut a few branches off my family tree.
Can you imagine if Facebook just decided to shut down and you see all these confused teenagers coming out of their house squinting at the sun/
How to know you have a sunburn: Smack the spot. If you scream in pain, its a sunburn
I miss being the age when I thought I would have my sh!t together by the age I am now.
What if all this time it`s been Chicken that taste like Frog legs????
Have you ever just sat there and realized how weird you are?
Me being rude: Shut the f*ck up. Me being polite: Please shut the f*ck up.
No way Iām the only one who crosses their fingers, closes their eyes & holds their breath when checking their account balance.
Two heads aren`t better than one if you`re both stupid.
My favorite part of the Bible is when God gives humans free will, then kills them with a flood because they didn`t act the way he wanted.
If history has taught us anything, it`s that reheated french fries are gross.
Ten out of ten pigs prefer turkey bacon over regular bacon.
If I laugh randomly when you are talking to me, don`t worry, the voices are telling me jokes.
I got Mood Poisoning. Must have been something I hate.
BREAKING NEWS: Baby found in the middle of the Meteorite crash site,,, he is miraculously unharmed... Wrapped in what seems to be a red cape.