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Another day where I`m not skinny, rich or famous. Getting real tired of this sh*t.
The best moments in life are simple… you know like when you sit down and get comfy and the remote is magically next to you.
One day, I will solve my problems with maturity. Today, however, it will be with alcohol.
After listening to what some people have to say, I am rethinking the importance this whole freedom of speech thing.
Dyslexics of the world.. UNTIE!
You question whether you are getting old when your barber asks if your eyebrows need trimming, and you know it when he does it without asking
Just picked the remote up off the floor with my foot while laying on the sofa so I guess today is leg day.
Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding.
I feel like landlords who don’t allow dogs but DO allow children, don’t know very much about children.
Is snaxting a thing? Texting each other pics of your snacks? Cause I feel like I’d be pretty good at that.
"I know im the best driver on the road" thinks every guy.
Today, my wife asked "would you still love me if I was ugly and fat." "Yes, honey I do." was not the right answer.
The first 5 days after the weekend are always the hardest....
Water is the most essential element of life, because without water, you can`t make coffee.
I`m going to hire two private detectives to follow each other .