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Whoever said technology will replace paper has obviously never tried to wipe their butt with an iPad.
Call me old fashioned but I prefer women with eyebrows made out of hair
The only real difference between my 20s and my 30s is that now I make all my bad decisions before midnight.
I slept on my neck funny and today I will be turning my whole body like Batman every time I have to look at something.
I will stop drinking when Captain Morgan puts his foot down.
How to tell if your wife is mad at you - Step 1. She is
Go ahead caller 9!!
The difference between beer and your opinion is that I asked for a beer.
When I die, I want a cellphone in my coffin…just in case.
1st thing I do after great sex! Turn the alarm clock off.........
Facebook should just change it`s name to "People You May Want to Avoid."
If you enter a room and there`s no food, you`re in the wrong room.
The nighttime, sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, stuffy head, fever so I can rest medicine didn´t work. I´m going to try 1 bourbon, 1 scotch and 1 beer instead.
I doubt my inferiority complex is as good as everyone else`s
Thanks to the words “dude”, “bro”, and “man”, I haven’t said my best friends name in 10 years.