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Do trolls even live under bridges anymore? Or have they all relocated to the Internet?
Marriage (Possible side effects may include sadness, anger, sudden drop in finances, depression, sexual abstinence, and sobriety)
I’ve probably wasted a solid year of my life just staring into the fridge.
The first order of business for the 115th Congress: blaming everything on the 114th Congress.
According to Tetley the best way to make a cup of tea is to agitate the bag so i slap her arse and shout "cup ot tea fatty"
“I promise”, “I am sorry”, and “I love you” all have eight letters, but then again, so does “bullshit”.
People that walk behind cars get exhausted
It`s weird how we are all here because of boners
Sleep feels the way pizza tastes.
Everything I ever needed to know about structural engineering, I learned from Angry Birds.
It`s amazing how important someone can make you feel with a smile, a kind word or the occasional stalking.
I tried my best to see things from your point a view, but your point of view is stupid.
I`m fat, but I blame my dog for not exercising me enough.
Cats spend two thirds of their lives sleeping, and the other third making viral videos.
The awkward moment when someone say "I gotta use the restroom.... Never mind."