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That awkward moment when you give the same Hallmark card two years in a row.
If running away from my problems counts as exercise then yes, I work out a lot.
It isn`t a successful BBQ until an intoxicated idiot runs face first into a sliding glass door. I`m fine by the way.
Guests are coming over for Thanksgiving... Almost time to booby trap the medicine cabinet with marbles.
Hardest question in a relationship, "What do you feel like eating?"
If one goes to online college, do they have to haze them self?
Nice try "Private Caller", but I wont`t answer even if I know you.
Go to China on honeymoon. Get intimate with Husband. Tell child that they were "Made in China."
Today in my local cemetery I came across the grave of Arthur Wynne the inventor of the crossword puzzle. For those that want to know where he is buried it`s 6 down and 4 across.
I started to keep a notepad beside the bed so that I can write down post at night, so far I have: Really shitty handwriting in the dark.
No matter how many lives you have in Candy Crush, you’ll still never get your own back.
Currently helping my son search for his chocolate that I ate last night.
Sometimes when I`m home alone I like to fill my bathtub with spaghetti and pretend I`m a meatball.!
You guys make me wanna be a better alcoholic!
All these years and I still don`t understand why they didn`t put Kevin Bacon in Grease.