Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My girlfriend thinks I`m a stalker. . . . well. . . she`s not exactly my girlfriend yet.
feels like I`m forgetting to flip someone off today.
I have a land line just so that I still have the option to slam the phone down when I angrily hang up on someone.
Thanks, resealable packaging, but I think we both know that won`t be necessary.
Don`t talk to me like I`m stupid until you know for sure.
The only part I like about doing laundry is saying I`ve got a big load
Merry Christmas (I apologize if you`re not Christian). Happy Hanukkah (I apologize if you`re not Jewish). Happy Holidays (I apologize if you`re not happy).
“we should hang out soon” loosely translates to I’m doing everything in my power to end this stupid conversation.
Ahhh..Sunday..the biggest decision of the day...to bathe or not to bathe.
I could defuse a bomb if it sounded like an alarm clock and I was sleeping.
Please help control the pet population, have that special talk with your pet!
These Jehovah`s Witnesses are getting creative. They are now knocking on my door dressed as cops saying they have a warrant.
If you have to tell us that you`ve been going to the gym, you probably need to go more often....
Hi, you`ve reached my voicemail. Why are you doing this?
The iPad: Because the iPhone was too small for other people to notice you.