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Oh my gosh! It`s a Hot Wheels car! Something you never want to hear during a prostate exam.
I`m going to a wedding rehearsal this weekend. Wedding rehearsals are the only time you see someone practice making a mistake.
I gauge a person’s wealth by the level of protection on their iPhone. No case, huge salary.
I always try to go the extra mile at work, but my boss always finds me and brings me back.
Sweetie, if your gonna be two-faced at least make one of them pretty!
There could be a ghost aggressively breakdancing next to you right now, and you`d have no Idea...
I only eat the entire pint of ice cream in one sitting so that I won`t be tempted to eat it later.
If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, you’re drunk. Ducks don’t talk.
Sea levels aren’t rising due to global warming. They are rising due to the increase in obesity. The continents are actually sinking…
this is a status you spent your time reading: sj
It is possible to stay in your room all day and be perfectly happy.
I`m paying my taxes with a smile, but they wrote me back saying they want cash.
I like working from home. It`s much more comfortable than sleeping in my cubicle.
You can always tell if a guy masturbates a lot by looking at his hands. If you look closely, you’ll see a wedding ring.
Volleyball is just a more intense game of "Don`t let the balloon touch the floor"