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Stop everything you’re doing. Think about me. You’re welcome.
Grocery stores could save me a lot of time and effort by adding an “All the stuff you can microwave” aisle.
I often worry about the safety of my children ... Especially the one who is talking back right now.
when girls say bye .......... may be it means buy something for her.....
Why do I get the feeling that a lot of you are using Facebook as a substitution for prescription meds?
I don`t always agree with everything I say. :)
Autocorrect is a great feature, but it can also be your worst enema.
You know you`re getting old when one huge fart throws out your back.
You guys, how can true love still exist if we don`t have mixed tapes anymore?
I was the hot single in my area the whole time.
Still have my French Maid costume in case any of you have a dirty house. I`ll be happy to sit there and look sexy while your wife cleans....
Life is like a bowl of soup; you only get blown if you’re hot.
"you failed just as much as your dads condom."
Keep up the good work, people who make free porn available.
No one in my entire life has believed in me more than the waiter who gave me a single napkin to use while eating my lunch yesterday.