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A fun way to get exercise is grab a chainsaw and chase a hiker.
Is it polite or rude to slide a note into the bathroom stall next to you that says, "heard you farting but it`s ok you`re in the right place :)"
I miss newspapers. It`s weird hitting a dog on the nose with an iPad
If I had a nickel for every time someone called me OCD I`d have 27 dollars and 15 cents.
What happened to all the Sour Patch parents?
“Check that sh!t out” luckily rarely refers to actual sh!t.
Not quite feeling myself today. I`m going to see if booze helps...
Never call a woman crazy because she will say, "I`m not crazy!" and then go and do something crazy. Probably with matches.
Do whatever you want, and if it`s something you`re going to regret in the morning, sleep late.
I got so drunk last night I tried picking up every woman in the bar and now my back is killing me!
I declare today, “Hit that dumb person you’ve always wanted to punch in the face day.”
There is 1 mosquito in my apartment. I have 50 bullets. Let`s dance.
Did you guys know that turning up the radio fixes almost all your car problems?! Crazy.
I have good taste, I just don`t have the money to prove it.
Every time I get an eyelash in my eye, I`m reminded of how quickly I would die in the wild.