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I’m in my dentist’s waiting room practicing my lies about flossing.
"Why haven`t you been answering my pigeons?" -- Girlfriends in the 17th century probably
Life should be more like hockey. When someone pisses you off, you just beat the sh!t out of them then sit in a penalty box for 5 minutes.
Why can’t the shower just naturally keep itself clean?
My husband told me that he would leave me if I didn`t give up all my bad habbits.....I nearly choked on my toe nail!
My wife is pissed at me again...appearently I am breathing wrong.
To be fair, if I had a friend who could turn water into wine - I’d worship him too.
Hey I just met you, and this is crazy. But add me on Facebook and I`ll stalk you (maybe)
Some days the problem is I care too much... Today was not one of those days...
i was sooo funny i cracked me off.......
Most people don’t act stupid – it’s the real thing.
I know what I`m getting for Christmas ... Fat. I`m getting fat.
My version of Heaven would be filled with all the things I`d probably go to hell for.
Now that 1 in every 3 people cheats in their relationships,I`m left wondering. . .Is it my wife or my girlfriend that`s cheating?
The term "chubby chasers" is so inaccurate and misleading. Cause we don`t run.