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Worry: a waste of imagination.
A fun way to get exercise is grab a chainsaw and chase a hiker.
Is there ever a day when mattresses are not on sale?
I want to grow my own food but no one makes pizza seeds.
Don’t piss off old people. The older they get, the less ‘life in prison’ is a deterrent.
I bet the first person that heard a parrot talk really lost their sh!t.
Redneck Term Of Thee Day-Wisdom: "Mah bruther had him some kidney stones, but he wisdom out!"
Whew! Thank you warning label I was actually considering using my new floor lamp in the shower.
My wife told me that her favorite position is when I lay very very still wearing a toe tag and she starts dating again
Half of me is a hopeless romantic. And the other half of me is, well, an asshole.
It`s always the darkest before dawn. So if you are going to steal your neighbor`s newspaper that`s the best time to do it.
Relationship status: Just got screamed at for peeling the carrots wrong.
God is pretty creative. I mean, look at me.
I think the saying "every man for himself" was made up by women tired of making sandwiches.
I just realized we cook bacon and bake cookies, get it together English.