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I’m cutting the sleeves off my Snuggie because it makes me look more badass.
My bed has no frame and sits directly on the floor because under-bed monsters are just one less thing I have to worry about now.
No matter how busy a guy is, he can always take out a moment from his busy life to just stop and stare at a beautiful girl.
Sometimes when I wave my hands in the air, I actually do care.
I`ve come to believe that everyone on Earth could benefit from a 12 step program.
If you need time alone, announce that it`s time to clean the house.
I love how twix come with two bars so I can eat one now and the other immediately after
The bright side of getting attacked by a Cyclops is only having to use half the pepper spray.
A Slinky is a great way to teach young children that it`s fun to push things down the stairs.
I stopped paying my car payments to concentrate on my dream of appearing on a Repo show.
Life is hard, it`s even harder when your stupid.
Office thermostats only have 2 settings: hell fire and hypothermia.
9/10 students agree that someone got lost on the field trip
I wake up everyday planning to be productive and then a voice in my head says “haha good one” and we laugh and laugh and take a nap.
Imagine how out of control drinking would if we didn`t have hangovers