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Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can´t help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
"Give me your finest meal, money is of no concern." ~ Me at McDonald`s on pay day.
Does Facebook offer a 401(k)?
"Trust me, you can dance." -Vodka
"I guess you`re right." - No one on the internet ever
Got a little too much sun today. I knew I should have closed the blinds.
My personal fast food philosophy: If nobody knows you went to McDonald`s, you didn`t really go to McDonalds.
Hurricanes, Fires,Tiger running loose ... Whoever is playing Jumanji needs to wrap it up
Dating a stripper is like eating a noisy bag of chips in church. Everyone looks at you in digust, but deep down inside they want some.
How come no one in a zombie movie has ever seen a zombie movie
Just once I would like to see a liars pants actually catch on fire
Don`t just be one of those people who stares at their phone or computer twelve hours a day. It`s important to also watch some TV.
The longer I sit in this drive-thru, the more pennies I’m going to pay with.
If you ring my door bell you better be the pizza guy or a sexy naked lady ... with a pizza.
There is no better sunscreen than sitting in a bar.