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I either want less corruption, or more chance to participate in it!
You know you are old when people keep telling you how young you look.
I wanted to say thank you to all the people who gave me a reason to drink this Friday night.
If you’re going to walk really slowly in front of me you should at least have the courtesy to have a slammin booty.
Relax, you’re not paranoid at all. Everyone is talking about you.
is spending my children´s inheritance.
I`m pretty sure God just pointed at me and laughed.
Glad McDonald`s don`t serve hotdogs, I don`t think I could order a McWeiner with a straight face.
Hey bartender, pour me another, I see ugly people.
If tit for tat doesn`t mean flashing guys with tattoos, than I`ve been doing it wrong this whole time.
My mother in law called me today and said? ”Come quick. I think I’m dying” I said, ”Call me back when you’re sure”.
The only trouble with resisting temptation is that you may not get another chance...
I can catch a speeding bullet- only once.
What`s the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don`t know and I don`t care.
New parent: I can`t believe how awesome my baby is. 10 years later: Wow, they sure do grow up fast...10 years later: Seriously, get the f*ck out of my house!!