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“I don’t watch tv” proudly says a person who spend 8 hours a day on the internet.
Some people look for a perfect relationship, but all I want is a cheeseburger that looks like the ones on commercials!
This skinny girl just told me she "forgets" to eat? Is that possible? I just licked her face in case it`s contagious.
Adulthood is like losing your mom in the grocery store for the rest of your life.
Such a satisfying feeling when “the one that got away” turns into “dodged that bullet”
Girlfriend: You`re acting like a little kid. Me: What do mean, little kids can`t drink.
Shoot for the moon, and even if you miss, you and your motivational crap is far away
Been there, done that. allegedly
Who needs Halloween decorations when I can just put up my selfies?
I don`t need drugs to have a good time, I need them to focus, avoid depression, endure winter, fall asleep, and controll my high blood pressure
"That looks interesting. I think I`ll eat it." - Sharks and Toddlers
Big shout-out to slugs for doing everything a snail does but without a helmet.
Who is the genius that decided Little League uniforms be white? My guess is Tide laundry detergent.
This day will end with either wine or shopping. Probably both.
Women say all men are dogs, but fail to realize that dogs are the most loyal creatures in the world if you treat them right.