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Our #1 problem in this country is that nobody wants to take responsibility for anything ...but please don`t quote me!
Why is there an eject button on the DVD remote? I still have to get up and take the disc out. It`s like having a remote to open the fridge.
People that walk behind cars get exhausted
Unsettling sounds #23 - Ice-cream van after dark
If going to church has taught me anything, it is that Catholics hate unexpected pterodactyl impressions.
We had a power outage last week and my PC, TV and games console shut down immediately, so I had to talk to my family for a few hours. They seem like nice people.
It’s not really drinking alone if the dog is home ... right?
Things that make women emotional- 1) sad movies 2) love stories 3) anything 4) everything
I hear voices ... and they don`t like you.
I regret buying that straight jacket now. I thought it would look good on me but I just couldn`t pull it off...
"There`s strength in numbers" I whisper to my 9th slice of pizza.
I always give my extra money to Charity. She is usually on the main stage around 11pm.
is confused. Oh wait, maybe not.
I wish I had a job where I could punch stupid motherf*ckers in the face all day.
So how many pokes does it take before its considered a heavy petting?