Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My email notification is a cricket sound that drives the wife crazy looking for the cricket. Winning!
Never , under any circumstances , take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. O_o
Yes officer, the person who robbed me was a woman 25-30, at least 5`9, a brunette and definitely single. Can you arrange a line up please
liked homework better when it was called coloring.
Who let the owls out?? Don`t sing the chorus you`ll make it worse.
Yes I am a bad boy ... But your the one that`s going to get spanked.
Why is it called a "personal trainer", instead of an "exercist"?
If I say “it’s a great day to be alive,” it’s because those are literally my only plans.
Real friends show me their boobs
I thought there was a spider on the rug, but it was just some yarn. It’s dead yarn now, though.
Nicknames are way more fun when people don’t know they have them.
Spiderman is just another guy who ends up with sticky hands and covered in white stuff after being on the web.
i like boobs
50 years ago you had to get really f*cking drunk to drop your phone in a urinal.
If you Google the word `overreacting` there`s a picture of me using a fire extinguisher on a spider.