Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
To all the waiters out there: we don`t get impressed when you try to memorize our orders, we just get nervous.
My favorite moment is the 5 minutes every day when coffee overlaps with wine.
someone took my mood ring away... dont know how i feel about it
If she can cook like her mother and drink like her father, she`s a keeper.
I’ve never had angry sex. I’m always happy and quite surprised that it is actually happening.
Do you ever get the feeling that you’re being watched? Because if it’s bothering you, I’ll stop.
I`m as bored as a guy with no arms looking at porn.
How can Wal-mart have a bazillion carts and everyone with at least one wobbly wheel?
My level of sarcasm has reached a dangerous level where even I don`t know if I`m kidding or not.
Going to write hasbro a nasty letter!!! The monopoly get out of jail free card doesn`t work...since I`m texting you can you come bail me out?
Any machine is a smoke machine if you just use it wrong enough!
Ask not what your father can do for you, but what you can do for your father. Happy Fathers Day!
I drink my coffee out of a clear mug so people know where my tolerance level is at.
The internet is full of cats because dog people actually go outside.
There’s no excuse for laziness.. but if you find one, let me know.