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One day, I will solve my problems with maturity. Today, however, it will be with alcohol.
Republicans are red, Democrats are blue. The government is shut down cause neither one gives a damn about you.
How will you survive a zombie apocalypse if you scream & run when you see a spider?
is a mystery you´ll never solve
I`ve found that the things I`m most interested in aren`t really in my best interest.
I`m not mental, other wise the rubber duckies would have told me by now...
Tip for Sunday Church: Don`t forget to keep your phones on silent, especially if your ringtone is `I like big butts and I do not lie!`
Boys will be boys. Girls will be girls. Koalas will be koalas. Just about everything will be the things they are. That`s how this works.
I don`t hate you, it`s just, if you were on fire. I would roast marshmallows.
Driving isn`t even in the top 5 things I`m thinking about when I`m driving.
I just want to point out that I am an Amazon Prime member so it`s about time you guys started treating me with a little respect.
Those beards make the Red Sox look like they`re going to a Civil War reenactment as Confederates.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how likely is it that your dumbass will say 11?
morning i hate girls evening i need girls
Nothing in the world is more expensive than a girl who`s free for the weekend.