Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I would exercise, but then all the sprinkles would fall off my cupcake.
North West? Im confused i thought Kim Kardashian gave birth to a child not a compass
All shoes are technically buy one get one free...
Pretty much the only time I want to hear about your ex is if she`s standing behind me with a weapon, other than that I`m good.
I`d share my Netflix login but I`m too embarrassed by "My List".
I`ve heard that men that are married live longer, but i`ve also heard that men that have sex live longer. Anybody know which one of them is true?
I know two wrongs don`t make a right, obviously. But how many does it take? I`m like on 756.
Tarantulas make great pets because when they die, rather than grieving you’ll feel an almost overwhelming sense of relief.
Nothing says "I`m unemployed" like wishing for snow on Facebook.
If a zombie apocalypse were to happen in Vegas... would it stay in Vegas?
Sorry, I can`t delete any of my voicemails cause then people would be able to leave me a new one
Gently placing your finger on someone’s lips and saying, “Shh, not another word,” is super romantic but cops don’t seem to think so.
If you can`t read the bottom of the eye chart, spell something dirty. Eye doctors love that sh!t.
My favorite exercise is somewhere between a lunge and a crunch. It`s called lunch.
I won employee of the month!!!…. again! I love being self employed.