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Don’t underestimate my ability to do absolutely nothing.
To those that manufacture and market tight, thin yoga pants to fit college girls; I love you man.
Anyone else immediately turn down the car radio the second you think you might be lost?
Im at a beer tasting today..so far they all taste the same out of this case...well done Budweiser...well done!!
I can`t wait to meet that special someone who will eventually ignore me.
You can`t fix stupid but you can divorce it
You think you are too small to make a difference? then you have never spent a single night with a mosquito.
The covers of this book are too far apart.
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side!
The way my kids act at Walmart, it`s just a matter of time before the security camera footage is a hit reality show!
I didn`t get your text (phrase) - I got your text, I was just too lazy to respond.
I just found if you tuck one part of a pants leg into your sock,,,, people expect less of you.
Only a fool trips on what`s behind him.
I put the whiskey in another room ... Exercise regimen established.
A fine is a tax for doing wrong...and a Tax is a fine for doing well