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It took dozens and dozens of flushes and a plunger, but my guinea pig`s funeral is finally over.
I wish I had a friend like me
Does Facebook offer a 401(k)?
Divorce is expensive because its worth it.
I was sitting in traffic the other day. That’s probably why I got run over.
Never let a medical procedure scare you. That`s what the bill is for.
I don`t lift so maybe I`m wrong about this, but I feel like Popeye might be focusing on his forearms too much.
Getting back with your ex is pretty much the same as taking a shower, getting out, and putting back on the same old dirty underwear.
HANGOVER!!!!! it`s God`s way of sayin "u kicked a$$ last night"
Oh, I offended you with my opinion? You should hear the ones I kept to myself.
Sometimes you just have to logout...
Sometimes I watch sports holding an xbox controller just to screw with my girlfriend`s head.
I wish all videos of people twerking ended with them catching on fire.
Everyone loved Jack-in-the-box as kids. Now I`m older, I like mine in the bottle
Just saw the previews for the movie Taken 3, you would think by now he would`ve gave his daughter self-defense and gun lessons?