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When you are dead, you do not know you are dead. It`s only painful and difficult for others. The same applies when you are stupid.
I missed that one episode of The Walking Dead where they show us how the zombies keep everyone`s lawns so freshly mowed.
The neighbor`s cat seems to think my flower bed is his litter box. I`ll fix that furry little bugger. I mixed 44 packages of pop rocks into the soil. And now we wait....
whoever said that there are no stupid questions was stupid
I`m always amazed that when tragedy strikes how quickly people on Facebook become experts on the subject no matter what it is.
If I were Noah, I’d be grabbing two of every bottle of alcohol
The nighttime, sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, stuffy head, fever so I can rest medicine didn´t work. I´m going to try 1 bourbon, 1 scotch and 1 beer instead.
wants to jump in a cab and yell "follow that car!"
When I see a girl with too much makeup, I just want to use my finger to write "Wash Me" on her face.
Screw you, little sticker on fruit!
I usually want to post intelligent and witty comments. But I end up posting stupid and funny ones so my friends can understand them.
I wonder who Jason Waterfalls is and why did TLC not want him to go...
Honk if you wanna see the finger
Cop: Sir what is in the bottle next to you? Man: It`s water *hands the cop the bottle* Cop: Sir, this is wine. Man: Jesus did it again!
Sometimes you just need to do something stupid while sober so that people will leave you alone about your drinking.