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If the planet is 4 billion plus yrs old. Is 2017 really the correct new year.
Kill them with kindness ..and then fart as you walk away
Two days is not enough time for a weekend.
I wonder if angry people know about naps?
Swag is for boys. Class is for men.
You’d think with as much time women spend looking at their ass in the mirror, they would be able to reverse into a parking spot.
Can we all just agree to start spelling it "Wensday"?
People should seriously stop expecting normal from me...We all know it`s never gonna happen
The one thing you never wanna hear when your father catches you watching porn is... "Scoot over."
I am at my most hostage negotiator when I see my 3 year old with a permanent marker without a lid.
Passive aggressive has never been my thing, I prefer chasing you with a chainsaw.
The girl on the flyer is never at the club.
On a scale from 0 to insane I`m batman
Porn can be so misleading. I quit my pizza delivery job after two days.
We welcome the Christmas season at my house by putting out more towels that I am not allowed to touch