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I believe in karma that means I can do bad things to people I don’t like and assume they deserved it.
Kinda bummed that every Christmas for the last 12 years, I`ve been way too drunk to remember all the good times and the laughter we shared. Well, I leaned my lesson. It`s time to get my act together for the family. This Christmas, I`m hiring a cameraman.
I decided I`m going to be poor... Its Cheaper :)
It would be cool if you heard a thunder bug a few seconds after you saw a lightning bug.
God is creative... I mean look at me??
There is no number for what just happened in that bathroom.
Big shout-out to slugs! Those little guys are out there everyday, doing all the same stuff as snails but without helmets.
You can`t fix stupid, but you can watch it in action on Facebook every day.
My hair looks amazing today. I hope I see everybody I hate.
No, I don`t need a Fitbit. I can count to 45 by myself.
Meanwhile one million men got to enjoy a quiet afternoon at home without anyone nagging them.
If a picture is worth a thousand words then why does everyone only buy Playboy magazines for the articles?
If you forget your hook-up’s name, just take them to Starbuck’s in the morning.
The more I know, the more I forget! The more I forget the less I know! The less I know, the less I forget! The less I forget, the more I know!!!
I really would love to see two mimes arguing