Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Sometimes I’ll catch my reflection in a mirror and I’ll be like, “oh no, that can’t be right.”
Tonight I plan on drinking until I`m someone else`s problem
Cubic Zirconium`s slogan should be: Guys can fake it too!
Sometimes I think I`m a relatively smart person. Other times I put my shoes on before my pants and realize who I really am.
What if dreams are just glimpses of alternate universes?
From now on, I will be replacing the word `sh*t` with `sugar` in my facebook statuses, so that I don`t come across as being so f*cking vulgar all the time.
Anyone else sit on the toilet and play with their phone until you realized you have been finished 10 minutes ago?
If I had known "cuties" were little oranges when my wife asked me to "bring a few home," I could have avoided these awkward introductions.
Come on snooze button, is 9 minutes all you have to offer...I need something in the 2-3 hour range.
That moment when you think you know somebody then they pull out an entirely new bag of stupid.
You`ll all be sorry when I figure out how to breathe fire.
Men who claim women belong in the kitchen definitely do not know what to do with them in the bedroom!
For an "adult" bookstore, this place has a LOT of picture books
Some days it´s not worth chewing through the straps.
So, All my exes live in Texas; Exactly, how does one go about scheduling a tornado ?