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Million dollar idea: Duck Dynasty chia pets.
I just can`t help it ... Sarcastic bitch is built-in.
I do not have commitment issues... I`ve been buying the same brand of vodka for 8 years!
A rainy Friday is still better than a sunny Monday.
Seeing a spider isn`t a problem. It becomes a problem when the spider disappears.
According to these court documents, the way to a woman`s heart isn`t through her bedroom window.
Shout out to the new couples still holding in farts.
"Cannot connect to network. Reset your wireless router." "Umm, okay, but what if my router is in my neighbour`s house? Should I call him?"
To be fair, if I had a friend who could turn water into wine - Iād worship him too.
wife: It`s ruining date night me: It`s ruining date night because you`re letting it ruin date night hitchhiker: Just drop me off on the corner
Arguing with people in the comments section is like crack for me. I don`t do it.
Don`t be that guy that goes around saying "Don`t Be That Guy."
That one day of fame on Facebook because it`s your birthday.
Who can really hear themselves thinking?
Just scraped 3 inches of "Mostly Cloudy" off my car.