Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Fish must be excellent drivers. Very rarely do you hear about fish getting into car accidents.
You`d think my boss would know me by now and stop asking me everyday if I`ve been drinking.
Turns out Xenophobia is not `A fear of Warrior Princesses`
Just want to apologize to all the unlucky men that have had to deal with my ex because I dumped her.
This hangover feels like Quentin Tarantino directed it.
When my kids ask what a word means, I tell them to bring me a dictionary. Then I smack them with it, and tell them to Google that shi t.
Give a fish some bread and he`ll eat for a day. Teach a fish to be a flying piranha and he`ll eat for a lifetime.
The hardest part of having multiple kids is explaining why only your first child has a baby book.
I wonder who the first person was to look at a beehive and think, "those bastards are hiding something delicious in there, I know it!"
Every load of laundry that I wash, dry, fold, and put away makes nudists seem less crazy.
I`m not sure how to say this but ... Worcestershire sauce
First comes love, then comes marriage. Then comes not making any decisions and feeling guilty about asking for blowjobs.
The best thing about telepathy is.. I know, right!
Its so hot I used my blow dryer as a cooling fan!
The Spanish version of the Subway jingle “65.63 Peso 0.3 meter largo” isn’t quite as catchy…