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You`re only limited by your own imagination! And money. And talent. And genetics. And time. And other people. Go for it!
People who go jogging, you realise we have cars now, right?
Sometimes it takes me 8 hours to get nothing done.
Plan B includes margaritas.
I just read last year 4,153,237 people got married. I don’t want to start any trouble, but shouldn’t that be an even number? ...hmm
My kids keep bugging me about dinner, even after I keep telling them I already ate.
You had me at “We’ll make it look like an accident.”
My 6 year old has already asked me 4,327 questions this morning. I`m seriously considering getting another Vasectomy just to be safe.
Caterpillars have it made. They eat a lot, go to sleep, then wake up beautiful.
If at first you don`t succeed, try drinking a shot of Vodka while you do it. You`ll be amazed of how much less you care.
Swearing releases stress and that`s just one of the f*cking reasons I do it.
It took me quite some time to be this good a procrastinator
Hey, did you know that in two days, tomorrow will be yesterday!
What`s this g-mail? I just got used to e-mail. And why did they skip f-mail?
If you want to talk to me on the phone, I need at least three days notice.