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I`ve always wondered how the job application process at Hooters works. Do they give you a bra and orange shorts and say, "Here, can you fill these both out"?
No one knows what women really want, but everyone agrees it still won`t be enough.
I can`t even tell what this thing in my fridge use to be.
If you’re not fully satisfied with your life, do something about it. Or complain about it on the internet. Whatever you prefer.
Guys i did not copy or edit this status of mine.Please believe this is my own idea!
I`ve seen more pins in the last few days then stone cold steve austin on groundhog day..
Is it just me, or does this gravy I made taste like scotch? Anyway, best Thanksgiving EVER!
If my girl didn`t want me to wear her new Christmas thong, she shouldn`t have said she bought it "for me." Women are confusing.
I like that CNN is tweeting a picture of ebola bacteria. It will be handy in case I encounter it in the wild. With my microscope vision.
Don’t be upset that you’re single; be happy that someone isn’t ruining your life.
I relate to Game of Thrones because much like my own life, I have no idea what`s going on and there`s a lot of wine drinking.
Marriage: When dating goes too far.
I live in a madhouse, ruled by a tiny army, that I made myself
Don`t wait until you`re on your deathbed to tell people how you really feel because you could be too weak to raise your middle finger.
Money isn´t everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children.