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Let me be clear, I don`t want to die alone. However I want to be left completely alone until that moment
Of course size matters. No one wants a small pizza
I swear that logging in to Facebook has become the equivalent of opening the fridge door and staring inside even though you`re not hungry.
I just shaved my legs. I think I lost three pounds.
Most people decide to have scramble eggs immediately after thinking: "I`ll just flip this omelette"
Don`t judge. Maybe I`m conducting a study of the effects of prolonged laziness on a human body. You don`t know.
When I see a man with long fingernails, my first thought is wizard. My second thought is virgin wizard.
I just watched a documentary on marijuana. I think all documentaries should be watched this way.
Don`t tell me what to do unless you`re naked.
How awesome would it be if boobs made maraca sounds when you shook them? LOL
Note to self: Stop leaving notes to yourself, you never read them anyway...
I`m gonna hang a Batman costume in my closet just to screw with myself when I get Alzheimer`s.
I`d rather run a marathon than listen to someone talk about running a marathon.
My box of animal crackers says "May contain nuts." So I`m inspecting each animal before I eat it...just in case.
The only benefit of getting new clothes for Christmas is that I don`t have to do laundry for another week or two.