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Thought I saw a kangeroo today turned out to be a greyhound taking a dump !
Top uses for Golf Balls: 1. Describing hail storms 2. Describing tumors 3. Playing golf
I am actually impressed by what Lance Armstrong has done. When I was on drugs, I couldn`t even find my bike!
My father was never proud of me. One day he asked me, "How old are you?" I said, "I`m five." He said, "When I was your age I was six."
"Three blind mice" is probably the most popular nursery rhyme about animal cruelty
If its true we`re here to help others, then what exaclty are the others here for?
Water is life; without it we wouldn’t have coffee, whiskey or beer.
Any time you feel lonely, remember, its your fault nobody likes you.
In reference to why men can sleep with lots a women and it’s fine, but women can’t sleep with lots of men or else they’re whores. “If a key opens a lot of locks, it’s a master key. But if a lock is opened by a lot of different keys, it’s just a sh!tty lock.”
Cleavage is something you can look down on and approve of at the same time.
I hope everyone takes my advice and never takes my advice.
Sure thing.... follow me... I`ll show you the fastest way to get to nowhere.
I saw a man at the beach screaming, "Help, shark, help!" I laughed because I knew the shark wasn`t going to help him.
If you are not sweating while doing it...then you are doing it wrong.
I plan my entire day around the possibility of a nap.