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I inboxed a girl on Facebook and she never replied. I guess you could say we`re `seen` each other.
I can´t wait until Weight Watchers comes out with a beer.
It`s weird how we are all here because of boners
Babysitters are just teenagers who behave like adults so that adults can go out and behave like teenagers.
Starting to believe I`m trouble
People that chew gum and drink alcohol what the f*ck is wrong with you.
I love arguing with you so much, I`ll bring a Ouija board to your funeral.
When people say "To be honest...", it means that up to that point they`ve been lying.
You will always be my best friend ... You know too much.
Every novel is a mystery novel if you never finish it.
When my kids grow up, I’m going to their house to break their stuff, eat all their food, make a huge mess, say I’m bored & then just leave!
I have no idea how I use to get around in the dark before I had a cell phone.
The best time to re evaluate your life is when you find your self awake at 3 am reluctantly nodding yes to the questions being asked at the beginning of an infomercial
Apparently people don`t like it when you lick your thumb and wipe all that black dirt off their forehead.
Sorry I shouted "MORTAL KOMBAT!" when you started arguing with your husband at the grocery store