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It’s always awkward the first time you hold hands with someone because they usually want to know who you are and why you just grabbed them.
Ladies, not every guy who talks to you wants to bang you. Some of us know that you have booze and snacks in your purse.
Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, get wasted all the time and have the time of your life!
So after an hour of playing Paper, Rock, Scissors, we decided to call it a tie. Good game, mirror!
All I ask is to one day live in a house with secret passages.
Sometimes I wish you could ask the pharmacist to "make it a double".
I dare you to spit on this status.
Doing the moonwalk is the only way to look cool while wiping dog crap off your shoes.
wassup pips! :-) no i don`t mean you guys pip, get it? piping?? haaahaaa... looks like i`m the only one laughing right? well it sounded funnier in my head (-_-)
I enjoy romantic scrolls up and down your timeline.
Vaginas are like the weather. When it`s wet, it`s time to go inside.
In the interest of improving the workplace, my company has put up signs that say: CAUTION. OPEN DOORS SLOWLY ... My best time so far is 7 min.
Some life lessons are so profound; you only need to do them one time. Putting Icy Hot on my balls, for example …
It`s called NASCAR because that`s the way a hillbilly pronounces "nice car"
I think I may have misunderstood my boss yesterday when she told me that she wanted to see me hard at work