Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Talked to someone in person today....what a pain in the a$$ that was!
I get so confused when I`m about to watch a TV show or movie and "For Mature Audiences Only" appears on the screen. Can I watch or not?
I always say, "monring" instead of "good morning" because if it was a good morning, I`d still be in bed sleeping.
Please, if I ever offend you, it’s because I meant to.
Sneaking alcohol into work is pretty easy, if you put it in your stomach first.
If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blankets back to your side.
So, which one of you is going to be the subject of your local news` annual turkey fryer accident story?
At what age is it appropriate to tell my friends that they`re imaginary?
Sorry I can`t make it to your party tonight- I have to get up REALLY early tomorrow afternoon.
Right now my glass is half empty...Hey Bartender!!!
Bacon has protein. Spinach has protein. Bacon is a vegetable.
You don`t get smarter as you get older. There just aren`t any stupid things left that you haven`t already done.
I`ve spent three hours investigating this chicken and I still can`t find his nuggets.
Patiently waiting for the Prozac to kick in so I can start my day....Ok, Maybe NOT patiently!
Growing up teachers always told me there was no such thing as a stupid question. Eight years in retail has determined that was a lie.