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Shout out to the new couples still holding in farts..
Never , under any circumstances , take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. O_o
My identity was stolen. I hope they do a better job with my life than I did!
I just started dating a homeless girl and it`s great! When I take her home, I can drop her off anywhere I want.
I always say, "monring" instead of "good morning" because if it was a good morning, I`d still be in bed sleeping.
The number one key to a successful marriage is alcoholism.
If you`re going to have opinions on my life, then I am assuming you will be paying some of the bills.
Never scratch your a$$ with chocolate on your fingers.
No, I don`t have tourette syndrome..I was just telling you what I think of you.
If history repeats itself then I am SO getting a dinosaur.
I would like to learn one of those clicking languages from Africa because I get the feeling my knees are trying to tell me something.
Sweat pants & Uggs in public says "and I didn`t brush my teeth, either."
I`m super lazy today. Which is like normal lazy but I`m also wearing a cape.
Facebook is a lot like a fridge. When you`re bored you keep opening and closing it every couple of minutes to see if there`s anything good, but nothing ever changes :b
How long does it take to get obsessed?