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I tend to say “I don’t know” when I’m too lazy to think.
The next time someone asks me what I`m doing, I`m gonna reply "I`m breathing 2 stay alive how about u"?
Good thing all the `Five and Ten` stores closed... They were nickle and diming us to death.
"Grapey." -me after every wine at the wine-tasting
I slept on my neck funny and today I will be turning my whole body like Batman every time I have to look at something.
I only drink on two occasions; when its my birthday and when its not.
I hate when I put food in the microwave & it starts makin explosive noises so I check and it’s cold like why you gotta play me like that.
When things get to stressful I hit the jim.......... Beam.
I go from "Hard to get" to "Hard to get rid of" in 6 beers flat.
If you trip and are about to fall on the ground yell "He`s got a gun!" and then you`ll look like a cool hero.
YOU ARE NOT THE BOSS OF ME is not a good thing to say to your boss.
You know that greener grass you see over there? You do realize it`s because they fertilize it with bullsh!t right?
When the zombie apocalypse happens, I’m going to blast Michael Jackson’s “Thriller”, while the zombies chase us, just to lighten the mood.
I got my panties all in a bunch ... You know those Wal Mart 10 pack cotton bundles.
I`ve been texting so much lately that I move my thumbs from side to side when I`m actually talking to someone.