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I hate when I wake up in the middle of the night to get a quick drink of water and then accidentally eat a whole pizza and a cheesecake.
I wrote you this love poem: Here, just take my credit card.
Forgot to make resolutions? Just write out everything you did New Years Eve and at the beginning add the word "stop."
There is no better sunscreen than sitting inside a bar.
If you don’t feel just a little bit of shame after the weekend… you’re not doing it right.
Whoever said, "All men are created equal", has obviously never been to a nude beach
We need to DETACH from all this technology and live life in the moment. Sent from my iPhone
I have no idea what a bejeezus is,,, but apparently mine scares easy.
The only time I proof read is to see how much alcohol comes in a bottle.
WTF, I feel like I pay these bills every month.
I can update Facebook from anywhere. Even when crossing the stre
I`d bite my nails less if there wasn`t always chocolate frosting under them.
Wow, I haven`t seen you since the last time I wish I hadn`t seen you
One of my friends had a baby today, and another got a puppy. I think we all know which one I`m going to visit.
Neil Armstrong lands on the moon: 5 pictures. Girl goes to Bathroom: 47 pictures.