Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Why do people say ”I saw it with my own eyes.” Do they sometimes use other peoples eyes?
The problem with frozen yogurt is that it`s not ice cream.
I do not have commitment issues... I`ve been buying the same brand of vodka for 8 years!
I have a fold up treadmill under my fold up bed, so by the time I get the treadmill set up, I`m like "That`s enough exercise for today"
You know you`re addicted to your iphone when you start using your fingers to zoom into things on your laptop computer. Or a printed photo. Or a book. Or your watch.
Google was first named, `BackRub`. If they hadn`t changed the name, we`d be saying, `I don`t know, go BackRub it.`
Breakfast in bed probably means you are dating someone. Dinner in bed means you`re probably single.
Tenderizing the meat sounds a lot sexier than it is
No heel is too high when pointed up at the ceiling.
The problem with marriage is that it was invented when people lived to the ripe old age of 30.
I sold my house this week. I got a pretty good price for it, but it made my landlord mad as hell.
Every woman thinks her husband is a moron. And they’re absolutely right because smart men don’t get married.
Lies I`ll never stop telling: 1. I`d never put you in a home, mom. 2. It`s 6 inches long. 3. I have no idea how the PC got a virus.
You know what`s wrong with winning a hundred thousand dollars? ... Not a damn thing!
going to mcdonalds for a salad is like going to a brothel for a hug