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Gimmie a P. Gimmie an R. Gimmie an O. Gimmie a C. Gimmie an R. Gimmie an A. Gimmie an S. Gimmie a....oh, nevermind. I`ll finish this later.
I love it when the person’s laugh is funnier than the actual joke.
I have the rest of my life to be an adult.
Hitting the snooze button is like hitting the “Next Episode” button on Netflix… it’s going to happen at least 3 times.
You could completely eliminate the semicolon key and 90% of America wouldn`t notice... until they needed to wink at somebody.
Like a stoned man once said, I can`t remember.
It`s shocking how much unhappiness is caused by the pressure to be happy.
My Ex updated her status to "standing on the edge of a cliff" So I "poked" her!
The New iPhone 7 is coming out in August. If you want a sneak peek of the new iPhone. Take a look at your current iPhone and pretend it cost 200 dollars more.
Girls with tattoos on your tits, Why? We`re already looking at them.
Ten out of ten pigs prefer turkey bacon over regular bacon.
I use these ( ... ) a lot. For which, I believe, the technical term is Dotty Dot Dots.
Your clothes are making me extremely uncomfortable. Please, take them off.
If a turtle doesnt have a shell, is it naked or homeless ?
The best part about growing old with you is that I`ll always be the younger one.