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You know why you like me ... Cause your f*ckin crazy too!!!
why do wise people never make wisecracks?
I hardly know you…. but, Facebook says it’s your birthday, so happy birthday!
I’m actually not funny. I’m just really mean & people think I’m joking.
Kids eat free today? Nice... In that case, I`ll have a water and my son will have the steak and shrimp combo with a kids bud light.
Some people see a glass as half empty. Some see a glass as half full. Most need to get a life & do something besides stare at glasses.
How many V and M can see
NNNNNMNNNNNNNVVWWWWVWWWWW
I’m a lonely Status. I wish more people liked me.
We Should Have A Way Of Telling People Their Breath Stinks Without Hurting Their Feelings. Like: "I`m bored, let`s go brush our teeth"
I just got a paper cut opening a box of Pop Tarts. There will be no more fancy breakfasts around here.
How do American chickens cross the road? In a bucket.
Pointing out the food you just dropped on the floor to your dog because you`re too lazy to clean it.
FACT: The higher pitched my "hey!" the greater the chance I don`t remember who you are.
Family vacations: When you pay a lot of money to yell at your kids in exotic destinations, preferably on a balcony with an ocean view.
If I can’t act weird around you, I’m sorry we can’t be friends.