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Any psycho girls wanna hang out? Just text me like 5000 times and let me know.
I wish people would consult me before trying to insult me, because I could help them come up with a much better one.
If anyone tells you that you drink to much on the weekends. Stop talking to them...you don`t need that kind of negativity in your life
I think there’s finally enough stuff in my kitchen junk drawer to build a spaceship.
I believe in love at first episode.
Mad respect to people who can stop eating when they`re full.
1 in 5 bosses will let you leave work early if you claim to have `lady problems` then start crying. It works even better for guys.
If thought bubbles appeared over our heads, I would get punched in the face a lot more.
Asking a girl what exactly she looks for in a guy is like asking her "what exactly do I have to do to get friendzoned?
When I think of all the money I’ve spent on booze in my life, I wish I had it all back. Imagine all the booze I could buy!
Like if you remember the correlation between a pencil and a cassette tape ...
I really don`t get Astrology but I just hope my daughter stays a Virgo until she`s at least 18.
When a male octopus finds a mate, he rips off his happy place and throws it at the female octopus so she can inseminate herself. Then the male grows a new happy place. If that isn`t the most epic way to tell someone to go $*&# themselves, I don`t know what is!
The cop at your front door is never a stripper when you want them to be.
Still have not used all the free hours from my AOL start up disk