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If you put root beer in a square cup, do you get beer?……………………. (you smart people grinned didn’t you.)
Who do you have to sleep with around here to sleep with someone around here?!
Changing a whole text message just because you didn`t know how to spell one word?
I just stepped on a cornfkake does that make me a cereal killer ?
I guarantee there`s a pregnant teenager somewhere who thinks `Ebola` would be a lovely name for their child.
It never ceases to amaze me that the little space between the driver’s seat and the center console in my car will fit any object that can possibly be dropped, but will not fit a hand.
Whenever I hear about a man jumping off a bridge I can`t help but wonder how long he was dating my ex.
I can eat a piece of pie without a plate or a fork what else should I write on this dating site profile?
I bet if we all threw our problems into a big pile, we’d see everyone else’s and scramble to get ours back.
I fold down my laptop screen very slowly at night so I don`t squish you guys.
To Do List: 1: Buy a knife 2: Call it kindness 3: Kill people with Kindness
"We have HBO" - apparently still a bragging point in the motel industry.
It`s nice that my vacuum has a headlight just in case I want to clean in the dark or wake my dog up thinking he`s getting hit by a train.
Probably a good thing I`m not a ghost cause I`d just stay in the kitchen and scare people then eat all their food.
They say love is in every corner… Then my life must be a freakin’ circle.