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Couch pillows are really just fart silencers.
Note To Self: Even if someone really needs it, strangling them is still illegal.
I`m more confused than a homeless person on house arrest.
The perfect time for a snack is while you’re waiting for another snack to finish cooking.
The best way to make a bad day better is by adding alcohol.
I know it`s 3 meals a day,,,,,, But how many at night?
I bet there`s a rapper trying to figure out a way to replace his teeth with LED lights
i like cake. and thats all for today goodbye :)
You are not stupid, I just think you have bad luck when thinking.
The only trouble with resisting temptation is that you may not get another chance...
Sometimes a special someone walks right into your life and helps you realize how much better your life was before they walked into it.
I`ve never been a fan of multi-tasking or quite frankly regular tasking.
Just tried to kill a snake in the backyard. And by kill I mean screaming as loudly as a human can in an attempt to make its head explode.
There are 10 types of people in the world, Those that understand binary, and those who don`t.
The awkward moment when someone deletes their comment on facebook and you look like you’re talking to yourself.