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At least my motivation gets to sleep in.
I may love you...but everyone else thinks you suck! I was kidding... I think you suck too.
If you still pay for porn I just want you to know I have a butter churner and an abacus for sale.
Note to self: don’t set your password reminder as “you should know this”
Right now, a future teen mom is applying copious amounts of body glitter to herself.
During the first two weeks of January, people often resolve to lose weight, which is great for me because the line at Golden Corral is much shorter.
If everything goes as planned, tonight I shall drink myself beautiful.
My friends were alway so nice. They were like "of course you`re not fat! Come on, grab two chairs and sit with us" :)
Saw a hobo sleeping on a box and it was surrounded by bubble wrap. Must be his alarm system.
Waking up everyday seems a little excessive.
Whoever left me in charge of my own destiny has a lot of explaining to do.
Laughing is the best medicine. But if you’re laughing for no reason, you need medicine.
I bought a little bag of air today, and the company that made it were kind enough to put some potato chips in it.
wishes that more people would declare thumb wars these days. I`m sure that all this texting has prepared my thumb muscles for battle.
You`re such a slut, the only reason why you wear panties is to keep your ankles warm.