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Do you really know me or am I just an idea that you`ve built in your head?
There’s a limit of how close you should be to another man when taking a selfie.
By 5, the human child can walk and feed itself, but doesn`t yet stray from home, as it relies on parents for tablet charging and maintenance
I`ve tried several times, but I can`t pet a cat without plotting world domination.
I hope someone I hate hears their first Christmas song this year in October.
I should run for political office just to see what kind of scandalous dirt they dig up. It would be nice to piece together my twenties.
Hey NSA, we all know you`re there now. So click the approve on my Candy Crush ticket request.
People always get offended when you call their baby ugly, but they never understand that they`ve offended you by showing you an ugly baby.
I like you as a friend. Well, more like as a friend of a friend.
$10 says some idiot is gonna hear the word Ebola and think "that`d be a great name for my new baby!"
Instead of `What`s on your mind?` Facebook should say `Just relax on the couch and tell me all about your problems. Don`t worry, nobody will know`..
This strip mall certainly is misleading And I probably should put my clothes back on now.
I can’t tell if I’m hungry, but better eat just in case.
Every time I make plans to eat better I can hear my stomach laughing
Porn can be so misleading. I quit my pizza delivery job after two days.