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I used to be a class act......or clown,as my 7th grade teacher would tell my parents!!
WHAT DO WE WANT!!! A cure for hangovers WHEN DO WE WANT IT!!! Please stop yelling
I can`t believe that it`s almost the year 2014 and I still have to bend down to pick stuff up.
If I hug you longer than 3 seconds, I’m picking your pockets.
I have never faked a sarcasm in my entire life!
I`m available if anyone needs me to ruin a good thing before it even starts.
It turns out if you cry at the DMV they`ll let you take a second photo
I put the hot in psychotic.
Like if you remember the correlation between a pencil and a cassette tape ...
Me: You’re the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen. Her: You just want to have sex with me. Me: And you’re smart too, I like that.
I wouldn`t mind all the penis enlargement emails if they weren`t coming from my wife.
Folks, there`s no need to say GOODNIGHT on Facebook. NO ONE will be thinking " hey where did they go".
How dumb is that family if Mrs. Doubtfire can fool them a second time?
I eat my corn on the cob like an old-school typewriter. This is how the 80`s cartoons taught me to do it as a kid.
Monday morning coffee is just as important as friday night liquor....almost.