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I bet you $567.89 you can’t guess how much I owe my bookie.
Does Facebook offer a 401(k)?
I didn’t sign up for the 401k at work, because there’s no way I can run that far.
I prefer to be crazy and happy rather than normal and bitter......
How do you get to be that guy who waves the chopsticks at the the orchestra? I feel like I could do that.
I wish there was an observation deck at WalMart.
The fact that Burger King can sell you 10 chicken nuggets for $1.49 should concern you more than it should entice you.
Have you guys seen the new documentary about white trash? I only saw the trailer.
Do not keep all your work for tomorrow, always remember you can also do it the day after tomorrow.. Be lazy, Think crazy.
The dollar store needs to go ahead and open up a few gas stations.
I`m going to start a band called "Free Beer" because when people see a sign that says "Free Beer Tomorrow at 9PM" everyone is going to be there.
The truth might set you free, but lying might keep you out of jail.
Sexual education classes in school should just be listening to a baby cry for 5 hours straight while watching the same cartoon on repeat.
If you knew how many trips to the bathroom every phone has taken, you’d never, ever, ever, ever, ever touch somebody else’s phone. Ever.
Hey, chicks who have words tattooed on your tits... We didn`t come here to read.