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At least men and women agree on one thing, they both don’t trust women.
Just gonna wait to see how long it takes this police sketch artist to realize I`m describing him.
It`s all fun and games until you find out she`s a psychotic bitch...
The recipe I am making says to chill for 30 minutes so I`m sitting back and having a margarita!
My 6 year old has already asked me 4,327 questions this morning. I`m seriously considering getting another Vasectomy just to be safe.
Who invented the brush they put next to the toilet? That thing hurts!
Sometimes I run toward people & expect them to know that I want them to do the Dirty Dancing lift but they never know and I slam into them.
I exercised once, but found I was allergic to it. My skin flushed and my heart raced. I got sweaty and short of breath. Very dangerous.
It`s too bad parallel lines never meet because they have so much in common.
"Never pick a fight with an ugly person. They`ve got nothing to lose." -Robin Williams
I am proud to say that I have completed the 1st item on my bucket list... I got the bucket
Been reading up on the thesaurus lately because a mind is a terrible thing to garbage.
I once had a goldfish that could break-dance on carpet, but only for like 20 seconds...
The female praying mantis devours the male within minutes after mating, while the female human prefers to stretch it out over a lifetime.
Sorry, Sarcasm falls out of my mouth, like stupidity falls out of yours