Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I don`t go to bars anymore, but I miss some things about it. So sometimes I wait outside my bathroom for 15 minutes when I`m dying to pee.
I was visited by three spirits last night, Vodka, Rum And Gin. . .
I don`t "get lost". I find creative ways to get places I didnt know I wanted to go.
If one door closes & another door opens, you’re probably in prison.
If I text with “Almost there!” I haven’t left yet.
I bet Waldo`s parents are worried sick.
Sarcasm is the ability to insult stupid people without them realizing it.
When I say “Nevermind.” I really mean you should’ve listened the first time.
Still waiting for a criminal on Law and Order to say,,, "Hey,, Aren`t you Ice-T?"
You ever read a status, and you`re like, `what a f*ck up` and then you realize you`re on your own page?
Go home Polar Vortex....yer drunk.
Pregnancy test confirmed me my worst fear.......I`m just fat
A model citizen is just like a regular citizen that doesn`t eat.
I`m so old, I remember when the internet didn`t have commercials.
Well another funny thing about this status is, by the time your done reading this, you realize it talks about absolutely nothing and you just wasted your time. Welcome to Facebook.