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I thought about going outside and doing something today but my Wi-Fi really doesn`t reach very far.
Crap, my Internet has been down for 4 days ...Probably because my neighbors moved 4 days ago.
Marriage, because sometimes ruining a person`s life takes serious commitment.
Nothing says poor life choices like the guy with the half smoked cigarette behind his ear
Never underestimate the power of a hug. Or a slap upside the head. Whatever works.
I don`t get enough credit for not going on killing sprees.
Playing dead in the supermarket to avoid having a conversation with someone you know attracts more attention than I anticipated...go figure.
This goes out to the person who thought of the idea to put stickers on each and every piece of fruit. "Nobody like`s your idea"
Jellyfish have survived here on Earth for 650 million years without brains. Great news for most of you.
If anyone has any terrible ideas, I`ve historically been very open to them.
Share this if you know someone who is alive today simply because you don`t want to go to prison.
I hate driving so much that I even ring for taxis on grand theft auto.
I don`t make enough money to go on vacation so I`m just going to get drunk this weekend until I don`t know where I am.
Copy this and paste it in your status if you know someone, or have heard of someone who knows someone.. If you don´t know anyone, or even if you´ve heard of someone who doesn´t know anyone, then do still copy this. It´s important to spread the message. Oh and the hearts ? ? ? ? For crap´s sake, don´t forget the hearts! ? ? ? ?
I like how the package for cotton swabs says don`t put them in your ears and everyone in the world is thinking: "WTF else would I do with them?!"