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You know why you like me ... Cause your f*ckin crazy too!!!
It should be standard for wedding invitations to state if there will be an open bar or not.
I am dealing with it like an adult! Tonight I`m getting drunk!!!
The guy below me obviously has never seen R2-D2.
The more photos you have to untag, the better the weekend was.
That disappointing moment when you pull up to work and it`s not fully engulfed in fire.
This year thousands of men will die from stubbornness....NO WE WON`T!!
The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase Regards again.
I don`t really like the idea that James Franco might be in my grandkids` history textbooks.
Coffee gives me the illusion I`m actually awake
Ironman and Batman`s only super powers is being super rich and smart really makes Bill Gates a real disappointment.
It would serve me better if they put shopping carts in the middle of the store where my pride realizes I have too much sh!t to carry.
People say I`m too patronising (that means I treat them as if they`re stupid).
morning i hate girls evening i need girls
I never drink unless I am alone or with somebody.