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I`ll act my age when I`m 69..
My cat probably thinks I`m cleaning my ice cream...
I hate girls who insert the phrase "my boyfriend" into every conversation. So does my boyfriend.
A snail can sleep for up to 3 years. I didn`t know it was even possible to be this jealous.
Why do crutons come in resealable bags? Are we really worried about them going stale?
Does everyone have that one dumb ass that finds you on Facebook and will not give up? Repeated friend requests, inbox messages, and follows my pages. It is driving me nuts. I understand at some point I will have to give in, but just because I am married to her doesn`t mean I have to like her, right?
I think I just discovered Newton’s third law of Emotion: ..... "For every male action, there is an equal and opposite female overreaction."
How about a ceiling fan with brakes so I don`t have to stand there for 10 seconds wondering if I actually turned it off.
Tip Of The Week: When going through airport customs and you are asked “do you have any firearms with you?” do not reply “what do you need?”
When I say I like to travel, I really just mean I like to get drunk in different places.
I`m convinced that homeless people have all the shopping carts with 4 good wheels.
For the record "Wanna do it?" is not foreplay....
Monday :`( Tuesday :-( Wednesday :- Thursday :-/ Friday :-| Saturday :-) Sunday B-)
I dont even bother filling out the "From" field on gift tags during xmas. One look at the wrap job, and its VERY obvious.
“I’m going to be a little bit late” -people that are going to be very late