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And then her mood ring just...exploded
New day, same old bullsh!t
You must have been born on a highway. Most accidents take place there.
You`d be surprised at how many times I`ve gone home, when i hear someone tell me "Go hard or Go home".
It`s too bad parallel lines never meet because they have so much in common.
Scared some Jehovah`s Witnesses today by going to the door completely naked. I`m not sure what scared them more, me being totally naked or the fact that I knew where they lived.
When you are dead, you don’t know you are dead but other people do. The same applies when you are stupid.
Save water- shower with me!
Pregnancy test confirmed me my worst fear.......I`m just fat
The guys at Home Depot must take classes to know exactly what I meant by "the little thing next to that one piece with the round thing."
Gonna try out my new drinking game tonight... 1. Turn on the news. 2. Take a drink every time the word FERGUSON is said!
Welcome to the obesessive-compulsive hotline... please press 1 repeatedly.
I have two words for this week. BEER ME!!!
I try and inspire at least one person everyday to leave me the f*ck alone.
There is nothing like sitting naked in a beanbag chair eating Cheetos. I hope they let me back in Walmart.