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Bologna sandwiches are parents way of saying... it`s my legal obligation to feed you something.
Once I made a belt out of watches. It was a waist of time.
Congrats on your secret admirer! Must be nice having someone who’s ashamed to admit they like you!
The worst time to need sneeze is when you’re driving. The worst time to need to pee is when you’re driving and need to sneeze.
It´s Friday!! yea! Oh sorry, I was just practicing.
Funny how the closer I get to the bar the friendlier I become.
bitches want what they cant have..or thats what I keep telling myself
You know when I was younger I was under the impression that quick sand was going to be a serious issue in life...
The longer I`m left unattended in the Drs office the more tongue depressors I can lick and put back in the jar..... Just sayin
You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment when you know that you aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
Save some time and just put your Taco Bell directly in the toilet.
I was disappointed to learn that ‘landlady’ isn’t the opposite of a mermaid.
YOU ARE NOT THE BOSS OF ME is not a good thing to say to your boss.
Trojan should be sponsoring Teen Mom. That show is the best advertisement for why you should always wear condoms.
Building the city on rock and roll was probably the wrong move from an engineering perspective.