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A new study has found that women with larger butts live longer than men who mention it.
If I ignored you any harder, we`d be married.
Some people should be very grateful I don`t have mob connections.
My wife and I use the pull-out method of birth control where we pull out our phones and ignore each other every night.
Are you always this stupid? or are you just making special effort today...
I`d be vegetarian ... if bacon grew on trees.
When one door closes and another one opens, it`s time to pack up and leave because your house is clearly haunted.
Life is a constant battle between my love of food & not wanting to get fat.
If money cant buy happiness,explain beer!
Every novel is a mystery, if you never finish it.
People who say "I hate to bother you" need to learn to hate it a little bit more.
Please help control the pet population, have that special talk with your pet!
The worst form of Alzheimer’s is when you walk out of the kitchen and forget to grab a beer.
What I lack in vocabulary, I make up for in…you know...stuff...and...things...
Remember when you were a kid and all you would use the computer for was paint and space pinball?