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That awkward moment when you give the same Hallmark card two years in a row.
Besides creating dinosaurs are mosquitos good for anything?
Stop everything you’re doing. Think about me. You’re welcome.
Consumer confidence is at an all time high, and so am I.
Friend told me that on her strict new diet, she eats each meal naked in front of a mirror. I said would you like to come over for dinner?
Now that "twerk" has been added to the dictionary, I can`t wait for a Spelling Bee judge to be asked to use it in a sentence.
What if plants could talk but they are still in shock from seeing the dinosaurs?
Ways to die: Steal my food.
Swearing releases stress and that`s just one of the f*cking reasons I do it.
If Santa doesn`t bring me something good I`m going to pee in his lap like I did when I was eight.
We’re all mature until somebody brings out the bubble-wrap.
Call me old school, but I think your shorts should be longer than your private parts.
I wish life had a “rewind-the-weekend” button.
Take my advice; I don’t use it anyway.
hell yeah !!!! i was the lucky sperm !!!!!