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I don’t have a problem with caffeine.I have a problem without caffeine.
Men hang out in bars for one of two reasons: Either they have no wife to go home to, or they do
For once I`d like to see "It`s been a crappy year, mainly cause your were part of it"
Lazy Fact #69302246777573 - You were too lazy to read that number.
Apparently you have to go to the gym more than once to get in shape, what the heck.
I have an alcohol problem, in that I can`t afford any.
People who say, “Happy New Year” to you on the 4th of January are not really your friends.
A lot of people seem to forget their other four fingers when waving to me.
The internet has made me so ADD. Started off googling "how to replace a timing belt" ended up watching a video on how to milk a camel.
Know what this salad needs? A Big Mac.
This might be the worst online counseling site ever.
I don`t know why they call it Everclear. I drink that stuff and everything is a blur.
All I want is to see you smile...that and maybe a pizza.
I’m back on my feet again!! Wait, false alarm the remote is right here.
You can’t please everyone, so you might as well just concentrate on me.