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www.amish.com. How did this happen?
The only Plato I care about is a big Plato spaghetti
The sight of naked cleavage reduces a man`s ability to reason by 50% ... Per boob.
Exercise makes you look better naked. Alcohol does the same, you pick..
I think you know you’ve got a problem when every letter of the alphabet triggers a porn bonanza in your address bar.
Most of my thoughts have been coming from a very dark place lately. That`s what happens when you forget to pay your electric bill
I used to be a kleptomaniac but now I take something for it.
I always dress up when I try to cook. The odds of me starting a fire are pretty high and I want to make sure I look good for the firemen.
When my kid grows up they`re not aloud to date until they`re married.
When people stare at me, I assume its because they are taking notes on how to be a bad a$$ motherf*cker.
Things I`m confused by: how did Rub a Dub Dub, Three Men in a Tub become a nursery rhyme?
I mostly use Facebook to remember why I stopped hanging out with certain people.
Home is where the pants aren’t.
Dear whoever ate my fries while i was in the ball pit at McDonald`s... grow up!!
If a cop ever asks me to count from 100 backwards ...I just get in the back seat