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Trust me, you want me medicated!!
Don`t talk to me about disappointment. I had lots of adults tell me they were gonna "fix my little red wagon" yet here it sits with a broken wheel still
It has been brought to my attention that those stick figure decals on vehicles are not "kill" scores, but actually suppose to represent members of the family. I will be removing all my decals to avoid any further confusion.
I never forget a breast, I mean face. I never forget a face.
Whenever I`m out somewhere there is a 99% chance I am thinking about going home and sleeping.
I`m not sure what my credit score is but I`m pretty sure I`m losing.
Peanut butter and jelly. That´s what I like in my belly
I always walk through my office with a stern look on my face and a toilet plunger to avoid conversations.
I`d like to apologize for getting drunk and making an ass of myself at your Christmas party next week...
Having a mohawk used to mean you were tough. Now it means you’re a 3 year-old with annoying parents.
The only exercise I`ve done this month is running out of money
Girls are a lot like oceans, beautiful and deep, but once a month, it`s shark week.
That awkward moment when you leave a store without buying anything and all you can think is "act natural, you`re innocent".
If I ever get arrested I am going to ask for a status update instead of a phone call.
Fitness? More like, fitness whole pizza in my mouth.