Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m not really your friend until I start insulting you on a daily basis.
That awkward moment when your screen freezes on a really embarrassing website
I’m just a man standing in front of a woman, who is standing in front of another man who is in front of another woman in line at Taco Bell.
Sometimes it’s the little victories, like depositing a dollar to avoid overdraw fees that make me feel like a responsible adult.
Apparently, when asked by a Traffic Cop "Where you going in such a hurry?", "To your sister`s house!" is not considered respectful to a law enforcement official......
Perhaps we should hold elections on the last Friday of November, with polling stations at Walmart, Target and Apple
My Living Will says it`s okay to pull the plug on me, but I`d like them to at least try jiggling it a few times first.
The guy who invented, "Take Your Child To Work Day," probably forgot to drop his kid off at school on his way to work..
Breaking news: Newt saw his shadow. Six more weeks of campaigning and attack ads.
If I drove a UPS truck there’s a 100% chance I would fall out of the truck when I turned corners.
Good rule of thumb: if you see an adult riding a children’s bicycle, you’re probably in a bad neighborhood.
Remember when phones were stupid and people were smart? hmm...
Silence is Golden, but telling some people to go f*ck themselves is PRICELESS...!
I like to gaze up at the stars at night and think about how somewhere there is intelligent life that hates doing laundry as much as I do.
Any wife can be a trophy wife if you bring her to a Taxidermist.