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I am not available because I am looking at porn that takes up the whole computer screen
Making everyone happy is impossible. But pissing them off is a piece of cake. I really like cake.
Four out of five voices in my head are saying this is gonna´ be a great day.
I`m trying to cut back on posting pics to Instagram, so I`m not going to eat anymore.
Everything I ever needed to know about structural engineering, I learned from Angry Birds.
I`m not sure it`s possible to fill a moving truck these days without the word "Tetris" being brought into the conversation.
A funny thing to do would be to text random numbers with "I got the live bees you sent, they`ll do nicely"
There are no problems which cannot be solved through suitable application of high explosives.
Relationship status: I make my own sandwiches.
Possible Fact: White guys with corn rows make dangerous zombies, cuz you can`t possibly run away while laughing that hard at the same time.
The worst part about being single is always doing what I want. Anytime. Anywhere. With whomever. That sucks.
I`ve just finished doing my hair, want to come over and mess it all up?
I don`t know exactly who`s health I`m drinking to, but they`re going to be immortal at this rate
If you`re looking for happiness, walk to your nearest liquor store.
"Estimated Time of Arrival" on the GPS. Challenge accepted!