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Multi-tasking: the art of screwing up everything all at once.
I shouldn`t play with Legos!? It says "Ages 7 & Up". 30 is higher than 7. Instead of calling me immature, you need to go take a math class.
Some of the nicest women you`ll meet on Facebook are men.
Surfing is a good choice for people who like skateboarding but wish it had more sharks.
Got a problem with me? I’m pretty sure a status on Facebook won’t fix it.
Why don’t we just take the safety labels off of everything and let this stupidity problem solve itself?
I told my 4-year-old she couldn`t open any candy yet. So she ate a Tootsie Roll with the wrapper still on it. That kid is a problem solver.
Sometimes I wonder how people who don`t have kids get their TV remotes from the other side of the room.
I wish some people`s cardio exercise consisted of running into traffic.
I get so confused when I`m about to watch a TV show or movie and "For Mature Audiences Only" appears on the screen. Can I watch or not?
The bills are washed, the dishes are paid, the laundry’s in the oven. I’m going to bed.
No thanks, cardio, this pot of coffee will get my heart rate up just fine
Some people lack the ability to laugh at themselves ...That`s where I come in...
I feel like I would enjoy getting out of bed more if I only had to do it like 3 times a week. This every day thing is overkill.
Whoever said "Just showing up is half the battle" (a) didn`t understand battles and (b) probably died quickly after showing up.