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Saw a midget go into a store while wearing a KKK outfit and thought... That`s a little racist.
I saw a poor old lady fall over today, at least I presume she was poor, she only had $ 1,20 in her purse
You’d think with as much time women spend looking at their ass in the mirror, they would be able to reverse into a parking spot.
I spend 90% of my time at the gym choosing the right song for my workout.
Sometimes I just wish people were as easy to forget as PIN numbers.
It`s not that I`m judging you, but you hung your toilet roll the wrong way and I just think it best if we never spoke again.
You know you`re a bad driver when Siri tells you "after 400 feet stop and let me out"
If you like counting to three, you are going to love parenting.
A fun part of your 40s is waking up thinking you`re hungover, and then remembering, nope, this is just how my body feels now.
I dig, she digs, he digs, they dig, we dig. its not a good poem but its really deep.
?”Nobody listens to me….” – Yellow traffic light
Note to future self: Tequila is a liar. You do not sound exactly like Axl Rose & the people at karaoke will not catch you if you stage dive
When someone calls you a bitch just say a bitch is a dog, a dog barks, bark is on trees, trees are nature and nature is beautiful. thanks for the compliment ;)
I refuse to celebrate Earth Day until Wind & Fire are recognized.
My Facebook account would benefit from a breathalyzer-activated password.