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Do you really know me or am I just an idea that you`ve built in your head?
I wonder what "don`t touch" is in Braille.
I just gave my ex a big hug which can only mean one thing. That`s right I have the flu and I love sharing.
I was all "I`m not taking any sh!t from you" and she was all "to speak to a member of our customer service team, press 1".
I enjoy shopping online because at least I don`t have to act all shocked when my credit card gets declined.
Well, if you count Elmer Fudd singing "Kill the Wabbit" then yes, I do like opera.
4 out of 5 dentists agree that 1 out of 5 dentists is just doing it for the attention.
I just saw a 2 or 3yr old boy wearing a t-shirt that says, "if mom or dad wont buy it I`ll just sms grandma and grandpa"
It`s just a matter of time before they add the word "Syndrome" after my last name...
I am not as think as you drunk I am
Ironing boards are just surf boards that gave up their dreams and got real jobs.
If you can’t be a good example, then you’l just have to serve as a horrible warning
First Ebola case in USA , and the Walking Dead starts next week... brb gonna go buy a crossbow.
All I want for Christmas is for these calories to not count.
What is it about a car that makes people think we can`t see them pick their nose?