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Some call it alcoholism, I call it "keeping my emotions hydrated"
Bitches be trippin..... ok, maybe I pushed that one.
Sure, Men love funny women. As long as they are pretty...and skinny...and they have a great pair of knockers!!
just taught my kids about taxes by eating 38% of their ice cream
Ugly people who live in glass houses…shouldn`t live in glass houses.
I feel like the majority of Eminem`s songs are just him reading from his diary with angry background music.
At the end of the day, life should ask us, Do you want to save the changes?
I don’t think we can get through adulthood without a good sense of humor and a strong middle finger.
Head and Shoulders should make a body wash called Everything Else
The human body is amazing... You breathe in oxygen and it converts it into sarcasm.
Remember before Amazon reviews when you could just buy a toothbrush without 6 hours of research?
People who get offended on the internet are the same people who take mini golf seriously.
Going to Target. See you in about two hundred bucks...
Back in my day we had 9 planets.
I thought I cracked this "adulthood" till I realised my shirt was on inside out !!!!!