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I get in this weird mood where I don`t want to talk to anybody and just want to be left alone. I call this mood `Awake`
If people are what they eat, some people must eat a lot of stupid.
Commercials led me to believe that changing shampoos would have a much bigger effect on my life.
This one isnt that funny, keep scrolling.
I get a little nervous before saying Worcestershire sauce.
If you`re camping and you have WiFi, you`re not camping.
The only difference between a weekday and a weekend is which boss is telling me to do things.
"Please don`t do this." - my voice mail greeting
The Patriots defensive coverage was almost as bad as the coverage by Obamacare.
Let`s be honest. The only reason you listen to your voice-mail messages is to make the stupid icon disappear
Given how enormous the universe is, I assume there’s an alien out there who does a mocking impression of me. Screw you, alien.
It`s scientifically proven that stress is caused by giving a f*ck.
Slowly, Waldo`s wife and Mr. Sandiego started putting the pieces together
Always love a woman for her personality. They have like 10, so you can choose.
A penny for your thoughts, Five bucks if they’re naughty.