Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I need a keyboard shortcut for "sorry it`s taken me so long to reply to your text..."
The more you know. Daylight Savings started back in 1964 when Jerry Daylight Savings was an hour late for work & convinced his boss all the clocks were wrong.
There`s a special place in hell reserved for the guy that decided what time McDonalds beakfast ends.
None of the animals I designed and invented are at the zoo. Do they even check the suggestion box?
I have been delaying my computer updates an hour for the past 3 years.
I can take care of my drunk friends, so the responsibility of having children doesn`t worry me.
Magic words that make my children disappear: 1) Bath time. 2) Who did this?!?! 3) When I was your age...
Hey baby, wanna come to myspace and twitter my yahoo `till i google all over your facebook?
Whenever I get sick, I get my immune system drunk so it will fight anything.
Gluten free. Dairy free. Fat Free. I love the wine diet!
Since joining Facebook, about 8 aggressive lampposts have walked up to me in the street and punched me in the face.
Whenever I think of a funny status I always get a pen and write it down so I can use it later, and if the pen is too far away I just convince myself that it wasn’t that funny anyway.
Nothing is truly lost until your mom can`t find it.
You’d think the chances of putting in a USB drive wrongside-up would be 50-50, but nope, 90-10.
Still have not used all the free hours from my AOL start up disk