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If that was me in the movie Taken, my dad would have missed the call and texted me 3 days later asking if I have a girlfriend yet.
Sometimes I wanna copy someone´s status word for word and see if they notice.
Was asked what I look for in a relationship. Apparently, "A way out" wasn`t the right answer...
If you think the things I say out loud are bad, you should hear the things I keep to myself.
There is no such thing as a dirty mind. Just a sense of humor with adult content.
If I was a funeral director, I would tie the shoe laces together of the deceased.Then the zombie apocalypse would be hilarious.
Well...today is the day. Just gotta build up the nerve to tell my dog she is adopted.
Running away does not help with the problems unless you are fat
I have a stalker. Everywhere I go, she`s always there, 10 paces ahead of me...
Dodgeball, but with random people who don`t know that they are playing..............
We get it poets: things are like other things
I don’t have time for the nervous breakdown I deserve.
Oh, you fell in love?! I fell in my bathtub.
Should hallways in mental institutes be called psycho-paths?
Peace on earth would be nice, but not gaining 20 pounds over the holidays would be a Christmas miracle.