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I spend most of my money on beer and cigarettes.. The rest I just waste.
Why isn’t “cheating” a relationship status on Facebook?
After dinner I like to sit in the garden in my underwear and smoke a cigarette.....but apparently that`s not done at this hotel....
According to physics heat makes matter expand.....therefore I don`t have a weight problem....I`m just hot
The sense of success when you’ve had something stuck between your teeth and you manage to free it after 25 mins of tactical tongue pressure.
I don`t know about you . But everytime I go on Twitter , I get this weird feeling , I am being followed.
Facebook is proof that people should not be allowed to name themselves.
I`m outdoorsy in that I like getting drunk on patios.
A simpler, more believable theory is that all the dinosaurs got married and just quit having sex all together.
I legitimately thought I was having a pretty productive day until I realized my phone is set to west coast time and I`m in New York.
I know its true love when I like you even when I`m sober.
I never let anyone see me eat junk food. Not because I`m afraid they will judge me. I just don`t want to share.
I`m sorry officer, I thought you wanted to race.
Relationships are not a test... So why cheat?
Parenting tip: if you beat one child with the other child you can tell people they were just fighting. You`re welcome.