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According to national reports, car thefts in the US are now at a 20 year low...Well, sure, it`s hard to steal a car when the owner`s living in it...
When you are dead, you do not know you are dead. It`s only painful and difficult for others. The same applies when you are stupid.
I`ve created a shoe made out of Legos, so when you step on Lego it doesn`t hurt. You just get taller.
It’s hard to get a lot done when you’re busy having a snack every 15 minutes
I`ve found that the best web designers in the world are spiders.
Note to self: Next time, don`t use "continue" as the Safe Word.
There are people in life you could NEVER get tired of hitting with a shovel!!!
I love secretly placing a deck of cards on top of someones ceiling fan.
Cop cars should play the jaws theme song
When I die, I am going to haunt the f*ck out of you people.
Happy Birthday to someone I would donate some non-essential organs to, and the fact that a Facebook reminder told me it was your birthday doesn´t make it any less special. Plus I live so far away that your birthday requires almost no effort on my part. And sorry I tried to kill you all those times when we were
I probably shouldn’t have driven home from the bar last night ... Especially as I walked there in the first place.
Redneck WORD OF THE DAY: WATER My girlfriend gets mad and I don`t even know water problem is!
dude i wasent tht drunk you were huging a peice of chese saying ill never let u go sponge bob
People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.