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I may not look good naked, but I`m a beautiful person on the insi.... Hahahaha just kidding I look great naked
When I die and I`m standing at the gates, I hope they give me the carpenter`s cup challenge from Indiana Jones. I`m totally ready for that one.
"This place needs to be sticky, wall to wall." - Every 2 year old with a Popsicle.
The way my kids act at Walmart, it`s just a matter of time before the security camera footage is a hit reality show!
Like this if you’re “never drinking again.”
The good thing about "poking" on Facebook, no babies are created.
’twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, everyone was screaming ... cuz I went into the wrong house.
If anyone has ever told you that you snore, just know that person has very carefully weighed the pros and cons of letting you live.
Why can`t the ice cream man just get a freakin liquor license already
I`d like to eat healthy, but we all know what happened that time Eve ate an apple. Best not to risk it.
Momma didn`t raise no fool. I did this all on my own.
FYI, Target does not give prizes, no matter how many bullseyes you hit in the store with a paintball gun
Success is like being pregnant. Everybody congratulates you, But nobody knows how many times you were ****** before you got there.
If he only wants you for your breasts, legs, and thighs; Send him to KFC by SIMO
Some life lessons are so profound; you only need to do them one time. Putting Icy Hot on my balls, for example …