Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Stovetop Directions: 1.) Use microwave.
Two interesting facts for you: 1) Some pine cones look like poop. 2) I`m never kicking anything wearing flip flops again.
Someone asked me why I use the "F" bomb so much. What the F*ck is an "F" bomb?
You question whether you are getting old when your barber asks if your eyebrows need trimming, and you know it when he does it without asking
Yes I walked away mid-conversation. You were boring me to death and my survival instincts kicked in.
Did you ever think that one day you would be this addicted to reading and writing?
It’s almost 2015, I expect a toaster that pops the bread up in a less terrifying way.
I`m just gonna let my pillow decide my hairstyle for tomorrow.
Settle down joggers at red lights, settle down.
If a tree falls on your Ex in the woods, and no one hears it, still get rid of the chainsaw just in case.
Sometimes I want to comment on a photo on Facebook but then I don’t wanna have to explain why I’m in your ‘Random Party Pics 08' album at 4am.
Just taught my kids about taxes by eating 38% of their ice cream.
Vaginas are like the weather. When it`s wet, it`s time to go inside.
“Be yourself” is the worst advice you can give to some people.
Well, well, well. Guess who the grocery store asked to come back soon.