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According to a recent study 52% of women have used vibrators....I`m guessing the other 48% have new ones?
People should mute themselves on conference calls when they are crossing a battlefield and killing enemies to get to the next level.
Can`t dance? Spell your name....in the air...with your butt. BOOM! Next problem...
I learn from the mistakes of people who took my advice.
I`m here to pick you up when you fall. Whether I tripped you is another thing...
I miss the life I planned in my head.
My son and his friends are great ... They always spray the house with air freshener before I get home.
My house looks like I`m losing a game of Jumanji.
Of course everyone seems sexy in a nightclub. There`s liquor and you can`t hear them.
Hey bill collectors, nice try, but I don`t even call back people I know.
It`s all sh*ts and giggles till somebody giggles and sh*ts
The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest he’s too old for it.
If you`re looking for happiness, walk to your nearest liquor store.
I threw a shotgun shell at my daughter`s date. ..then I told him it`s much faster after 11pm
I could actually watch golf on TV if Land Mines were involved.