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Is it polite or rude to slide a note into the bathroom stall next to you that says, "heard you farting but it`s ok you`re in the right place :)"
I tried being awesome today, but I was just so tired from being awesome yesterday.
Groundhog Day, Just walked outside and saw my shadow, It`s now official, Six more weeks of dieting :/
Is it weird to get naked during a massage? At what point can I ask the masseuse to put his pants back on?
And then I was all: “I’m really getting sick of your shit, bitch.” And then she was all: “To speak with a representative please press 7.”
Whoever said technology will replace paper has obviously never tried to wipe their butt with an I-pad
I`ve officially reached the point in my life where the trash goes out on Friday nights way more often than I do.
My daughter wanted a Cinderella themed birthday party, so I invited All of her Friends over and made them clean the house.
My level of sarcasm has reached a dangerous level where even I don`t know if I`m kidding or not.
mom- "if you dont have anything nice to say, don`t say anything"
I`m not saying my ex wasn`t pretty, but every time my wallet got stolen the thief would return her picture.
Buys Mega-Millions ticket. Has a better chance of being hit by lightning in a cave.
Idiots are fun, no wonder every village has one.
There is a 99.9% chance I am hungry.
These ‘energy saving` light-bulbs are bullsh!t. They take just as much effort to screw in as the ordinary ones.