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"I like tube tops too, but even tires have pressure limits!
What a rip-off. I picked up a book called 101 Mating Positions. It turned out to be a book on chess.
Math questions are so stupid! They’re like “If I have 5 bottles in one hand and 6 in the other, what do I have?” Oh I dunno, a drinking problem maybe?
OMG ... I hate waiting in lines ... I wish this woman would hurry up and pick a suspect already.
What do people do with all the extra time they save by writing ”K” instead of ”OK”?
Ladies: Sometimes you just need to throw your arms up in the air and say, "Tie me up"
My boys cleaned out my car and now my change is missing. Little do they know, it costs exactly $3.63 to turn our wifi back on.
Don`t feel bad, alot of people don`t have talent either
Have you ever thought about how weird it is that one of your hands is dumber than the other?
REMEMBER: If you start to hear banjos, get the hell outta there!
"There`s more than one way to skin a cat." -Chinese restaurant proverb
In "I am Legend" Will Smith lives alone for years. But then 24hrs after a woman shows up, he dies.....AND she stole his bacon
I thought kegels were like Jewish bagels
Who wants to go Smart Car Tipping?
Dear Social Media, thanks for showing me that I can like people. So long as I don`t have to see, touch, or smell them.