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My girlfriend called me up and said "Come on over to my place. No one`s home!" I went over. No one was home.
I`m surprised carving faces into vegetables after pulling out their innards isn`t incorporated into more American Holidays.
I love running my fingers through my girlfriend`s hair. It`s also a great way to let her know we`re out of napkins.
Gas prices are a lot like girls: We just wish they would go down.
This day needs more tomfoolery!
I wonder if people without dogs actually pick food off the floor?
What if the lightbulb had never been invented? How would we know when someone has a really good idea?
Walmart made plans to hire 100,000 U.S. Veterans. Which can only mean one thing: Walmart is going to invade Costco.
Get off your high horse. Seriously, it’s not safe to ride any animal that’s stoned.
Due to Global Warming Santa will be giving out Solar Panels to all the naughty kids this year!
Do feminists look under their beds for the boogie woman?
It`s always awkward ending phone calls with loved ones. I always say, "I love you" and they`re like, "thank you for choosing Domino`s."
I wish I could understand what women with big boobs are saying.
Meanwhile on Facebook someone has made a casserole
Idiots are fun, no wonder every village has one.