Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I wear a ski mask to bed so if there`s a home invasion, the intruder will think I`m part of the team.
I just took a 5 hour energy and a sleeping pill...LET THE BATTLE BEGIN.
I have a fold up treadmill under my fold up bed, so by the time I get the treadmill set up, I`m like "That`s enough exercise for today"
Only 2 phrases can change a woman’s mood: ”I Love You” and ”50% Off”.
Oh you`re in the shower? Here`s the seven worst songs from your playlist. - shuffle mode
Sorry I can’t make it to your party tonight. I have to get up really early tomorrow afternoon.
I can already tell it`s going to be another one of those mornings where I`m not rich and famous.
What do you call a black woman with braces?... A Black and Decker P@cker Wrecker!
I would gladly believe in a religion that gives me free pizza and says people who squeeze the toothpaste tube from the center go to hell.
A clean house is the sign of a broken computer !
The problem with the girl of my dreams is that she’s never around when I’m awake.
A girl drinks 4 cosmos over a span of 60 minutes. 25 mins later, she texts 3 of her besties. How many emojis will she use? Show your work.
I’m not crazy just the voices are!
Youth is wasted on the young.
Someone smells like cigarettes and bad decisions.......Oh it`s me? Sorry about that.