Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When someone tells me how old their kid is in months, I ask them to rephrase it in days, so they know what I just went through.
I have a new rule: No one is allowed to talk to me for a minimum of 24 hours after I wake up.
"I didn`t get your text" is the new "my dog ate my homework"
The most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. At least, that`s what the restraining order says.
Dear whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office – I will track you down. You have my Word.
Sleep is for the people without access to Internet.
The older I get, the more I sympathize with Squidward`s anger.
Cats spend two thirds of their lives sleeping, and the other third making viral videos.
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
Have you ever wondered if Dora is smuggling drugs in her backpack?
Whoever convinces blind people that they need sunglasses,, is one heck of a salesman....
Chickens: The only animals you eat before they`re born AND after they`re dead.
Girl scout cookies suck! I ate like 20 boxes of thin mints and I`m not any thinner.
Its all fun and games until someone drinks the beer with the cigarette butts in it..
Anyone else pretend to work all day while thinking about big boobs instead?