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Science is just a numbery way to explain magic.
If abortion is murder then are condoms kidnapping?
I woke up hungover to the sound of my neighbor mowing the lawn. I figure he`ll just have to mow around me. I`m not moving.
A good office manager never let`s you run out of ink, paper or vodka
You`ve really got to hand it to short people, because sometimes they often can`t reach it.
All other things being equal, tall people use more soap.
Folding laundry with a toddler is like trying to straighten a desk full of papers while a fan blows on it.
I’ve got bad news: Today is not Friday, Tomorrow is not Friday, Even the day after tomorrow is not Friday.
I have a lot on my plate right now. Not busy, just hungry.
If God didn`t want us to eat Animals he wouldn`t made them out of meat.
One day id like to have a brand new Iphone like the lady in front of me with the food stamps.
I bet people who like their own statuses wink at themselves in the mirror too.
I knew she was about to say something intelligent because she began with, "You once told me..."
Learned a lesson from my dog tonight ... No matter what life brings you, kick some grass over that sh1t and move on.
I sent off for some information on my family tree. They sent me back a packet of seeds and suggested it would be in my best interest that I just start over.