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is tring to fool people into thinking I have a social life by going offline from Facebook for a few hours.
The guy who invented wet t-shirt contests probably has no idea that shirts can just be taken off.
18 is TOO young to get married! You can`t even buy booze at 18! If you can`t buy booze, how the hell are you gonna make a marriage work?!?
You know you are paranoid when you think this joke is about you.
I`m lost, no wait..... Yep, lost for sure
I am so thankful and grateful that out of all the planets in the universe, we live on one with pizza and vodka.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought, "Yep, you have a person in your basement."?
No one`s lazier than the guy who came up with the name for Juicy Juice.
It`s almost 2014, I expect a toaster that pops the bread up in a less terrifying way.
I never met a teenager driving a luxury car that I didn’t hate.
If a door closes in your life...kick that f*cking thing open and continue to pursue your dreams.
If someone asks for advice, just tell em to follow their heart. No idea what that sh!t means but at least they`re not talking to you anymore
She’s thinking about having beer pong at her reception… that’s walking a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I had this awesome dream last night where Facebook went down and most of you went on a killing spree.
Laughter is the best medicine, but if you are laughing for no reason, you might need medicine.