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You know you are old when your parties have glasses instead of red plastic cups.
When you put ‘aspiring’ in front of your chosen profession. What I hear is: I’m unemployed.
It’s a good thing the fate of mankind doesn’t depend on me turning on the correct stove-top burner on my first try.
Life was much easier when apples and blackberries were fruits&& not phones
llllllloooollllll...........................i saw a donkey on a bike
Whenever I get a message that begins with “Hey Stranger” I know I’m about to be asked for a favor by someone I don’t want to help.
He won`t let me complain to the neighbors, so I renamed the WiFi to `SHUT YOUR DOG UP, D!CKS`
There was a glorious time, before social media, when you would just lose touch with people.
The human body can survive three weeks without food, three days without water but only three hours without wifi.
I keep my TV volume at "screw the neighbors".
Relationship status: sleeping in my bed diagonally.
My bank lets me send a text message and it will text back with my balance. Its a cool feature but I didn`t think the LOL was necessary.
Inventor of camping: "Hey, let`s go pretend to be homeless."
I`m back in the HR office today. In my defense my coworker very plainly said "stick a fork in me, I`m done"
Don’t get me wrong, you are hot as hell, I am just too lazy to stalk right now.