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I`m ashamed of what I did for a Klondike bar.
Just think: right now, your body is cookin` up some poop.
If there are ice cream trucks in the summer, why aren`t there hot chocolate trucks in the winter?
Have you ever noticed the irony behind “hyphenated” and “non-hyphenated”?
I don`t have ADD. It`s just that everything is more interesting than what I have to get done.
Girlfriend said she felt she looked fat, tired, and ugly. Said she needed a compliment. I told her that her eyesight was nearly flawless.
My girlfriend called me lazy the other day. I almost responded.
I plan on being up really late tonight making voodoo dolls for, well, nevermind, you will know who you are soon enough
"I`d hit that!" -Helpful blackjack dealer
Why even ask how my weekend was if you’re just going to interrupt me halfway through to say “Yeah, I saw your Facebook post.”
I went for a run tonight. Sure, it was a beer run, but I did break a sweat.
Do the other settings on the washer actually do anything?
I believe in karma which means I can do bad things to people all day long and just assume they deserve it.
My posts come from a dark place.. I haven`t paid my light bill in 3 months.
Which nipple does the red jumper cable go on?