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You can never read a doctor`s prescription, but you can sure read his bill
Congratulations! You’ve just read this sentence.
I think the spork would have caught on better if they called it "a forkin` spoon!"
Today I seek some truth and fulfilment but I’ll settle for some bacon.
When I see people drinking at 11 am on a Friday I`m like, where do you work and are they hiring?
Call me faithless, but I just can`t believe three guys would travel that far on camels to throw a baby shower.
I just saw a 2 or 3yr old boy wearing a t-shirt that says, "if mom or dad wont buy it I`ll just sms grandma and grandpa"
When I think of you I touch myself ... On my temples ... You give me a migraine.
My dentist said I grind at night. I was like, ok stalker.
I could see how 2 deaf guys arguing would appear to be gang related.
Of all the things life has given to me... I would like to return 20 lbs.
If you find a four-leaf clover it means you have entirely too much time on your hands.
It`s damn funny when a wife think`s she`s punishing her husband by not talking to him for days..
Now tell me how old your baby is in hours.
I´m thankful for Facebook. Before, I would just scream out my thoughts to anyone who would listen.