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I decided to go on a road trip and not come back till I ran out of money... I made it to the end of the driveway.
It only takes a second to show a person how much you feel about them. The police call it indecent exposure, but whatever...
If I could go back in time I would put cheese on a lot more things.
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If you need some help at Home Depot and are being ignored, get on one of their step ladders
this guy with binoculars has been watching me watch him with binoculars and i don`t know who`s winning
My kids wanna have a water balloon fight later, I just got done putting mine in the freezer... Wanna bet I win...
So what if I`m single now ... I mean it can`t be that hard to boil toast, can it?
The good thing about "poking" on Facebook, no babies are created.
Things people say after watching a movie: 5% - I can’t wait for the sequel. 5% - That was a great movie. 5% - That was a complete waste of money. 85% - I gotta pee!!
Was late to my first Fight Club last night so missed the intro rules. Still, Fight Club was brilliant and I`d highly recommend Fight Club.
Apparently some strangers don’t need a hug.
Honk if you want to see my finger.
Perfect girls are found at every corner of the earth... unfortunately, the earth is round.
The only people without problems are in the cemetery.