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I wish my mind had a delete button.
A sure fire way to lose an afternoon, is to help a friend out when he says "come on it will only take a half hour to fix"
That awkward moment when your screen freezes on a really embarrassing website
Thought cartoons were getting better. Turns out it was a news story about Justin Bieber.
Forecast for the weekend... mild alcoholism, with a 70% chance of poor decisions and impaired judgement. Increasing chance of regret and hangover for Sunday.
Started a new exercise routine yesterday. So far I`ve only missed one day.
WARNING!! I have character defects and I`m not afraid to use them.
Girls are funny creatures. They hate it when you ask their age but will kill you if you forget their birthday.
50 notifications later I regret ever commenting on your status.
I don’t know what my neighbor’s name is and we’ve been neighbors too long for me to ask.
You know you`re getting old when you fall down and wonder what else you can do while you`re down there.
Brains are awesome! I wish everyone had one...
If watching the big-screen TV with your pants off and a bag of Doritos is wrong, then they shouldn`t have couches at this Best Buy.
If life is a Bitch, then why hasn´t it made me a Sandwich
I’m actually a really nice guy once you get to blow me.