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I am out of wine, so I ate a bag of grapes and threw myself down the stairs.
No matter how old you are, an empty Christmas wrapping paper tube is still a light saber.
I often wonder how things worked out for that guy who grabbed the bull by the horns.
Was born with a rare condition called "Amazing"
Sleep feels the way pizza tastes.
What if the lightbulb had never been invented? How would we know when someone has a really good idea?
McDonald’s Management Rule #23: “The employee with the most severe accent or speech impediment must work the drive-thru at all times.”
If I would have known there would be a Facebook, I would have written "f*ck off forever" instead of "keep in touch" in your yearbook.
I have decided to leave my past behind me.. so If I owe you money..I’m sorry. but I’ve moved on.
90% of the apps on my phone don’t do anything except send me notices that there’s a new version of itself.
Stress balls work best when you shove them down somebody`s throat.
Ahhh..Sunday..the biggest decision of the day...to bathe or not to bathe.
It’s funny how 1 text, 1 song, 1 mistake, 1 lie, 1 truth, and 1 person could change your mood in 1 second.
All my passwords are protected by amnesia.
Sometimes I wish my dog could talk…then I remember all the things he has seen me do when I’m alone.