Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Of course everyone seems sexy in a nightclub. There’s liquor and you can’t hear them.
There’s a bald spot in my yard so I’m gonna let the grass around it grow really long and then do a comb-over.
The joy of finding out that your boss is going on a holiday is way greater than you yourself going on one
You can stay, but your clothes must go.
Did you know statistically you`re more likely to be killed by a coconut falling from a tree than by a coconut stabbing you with a kitchen knife.
Left the toilet seat up. Wife screaming in 5, 4, 3, 2...
My opinion of yoga pants varies depending on if I`m at the gym or if I`m at Walmart
Whenever I delete an App on my iPhone, The shaking icons make me feel like they`re all panicked over who`s getting deleted.
And all this time I thought a chickpea was when women went to the bathroom in groups.
I knew I was going to jail when I yanked at the cop pants and they didn`t tear away ..
It’s not drinking alone if the dogs are home, right?
Apparently showing the pharmacist a picture of my wife was not a good enough reason to get Valium without a prescription.
I would know if I was insane, the voices would tell me.
DO NOT expect a "Bless You" after your 3rd sneeze. Get that sh!t under control.
Seeking one night stand. I might need two though, I do have a lot of books.