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My brother took going to jail really badly. He refused food, drinks. He spat and swore at anyone who came near him and started throwing things everywhere. After that we NEVER played monopoly again.
No one is more confident than a drunk girl wearing a guy’s hat sideways.
Refusing to go to the gym counts as resistance training, right?
Are you tired of every day being the same? Congratulations, you’re an adult!
I try to avoid things that make me fat, like scales, mirrors, and photographs.
According to the squirrel riding a unicycle in my kitchen, I may have taken too much sleep medication.......
RUN? I thought you said Rum. I quit.
Married people always ask when you’re getting married like they get points for recruiting to their club of misery.
My favorite thing about working out is the part where I decide not to.
If those Febreeze commercials with rooms filled with stinking, rotting garbage convince you to buy their product. Here`s a heads up for you........ You need to clean your freaking house!!!
I`m so old, I remember when the internet didn`t have commercials.
I feel like I would enjoy getting out of bed more if I only had to do it like 3 times a week. This every day thing is overkill.
I miss the good old days..when you could slam the phone down.!!
That moment of shame when an automatic door doesn`t open for you
Let It Snow is my favorite song about people who don`t understand how weather works.