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Parents, forget about teaching your kids about the birds and the bees. Teach your kids the difference between their, they`re and there.
I just poured myself some iced tea. I could have sworn I heard one of the beers in my fridge whisper "What the F*ck!?"
You know you are old when your birthday suit doesn`t fit anymore.
Everyday I’m shoveling. – Winter 2014
Today is the first day of the rest of your life, but so was yesterday, and look how that turned out...
I couldn’t believe it yesterday, when I came home and was told by my wife that my 5-year-old son wasn’t actually mine. She says that I need to pay more attention when picking him up from school…
She looks like the kind of girl that brings a suitcase on the first date.
I`ve always wondered why they don`t have a pregnant Barbie doll? Turns out Ken comes in a different box...
Don`t forget to get your hurricane glasses before looking at it.
Are you reading this from a toilet? I`m writing this from one.
Don`t have sex man, it leads to kissing and pretty soon you will have to start talking to her..
The only reason any of us can spell laboratory is because of Dexter.
When your wife says she needs a new broom it`s best not to ask if she broke the last one in a crash landing.
You know you`ve reached adulthood when your bed is in the middle of the wall instead of in the corner.
Why get married? Just pick a girl you hate and buy her a house.